#1
We just do what we’ve been told
All alone till we grow old
All our souls have already been sold
to the man who keeps it locked

Do you think that you are wise?
Let me give you some advise
We don’t want to hear your lies
And all the faults that you’ll make right

shattered trees all on the hills
you just care for dollar bills
every day we get these pills
just to keep us calm but now

It is time for us to rise
In the streets you hear the cries
You don’t care if someone dies
Now it’s time for you to go

(chorus)
Will this sun go down tonight ?
All alone we have to fight
Follow me and take your right
To live on your own life


All the people you despise
Can you look into their eyes
Tell them that you screwed their lives
And that you don’t care at all

All you talk about is God
But he can see your crimes and fraud
All the votes that you have bought
and the people you have used

Hell is already waiting for you
I’ll hope they have you on their barbecue
long enough people had no clue
You just liked to keep them dumb


(chorus)
Will this sun go down tonight ?
All alone we have to fight
Follow me and take your right
To live on your own life

Will this sun go down tonight ?
All alone we have to fight
Follow me and take your right
To live on your own life
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|___Just for You___l||__|__|___|) _____|
|(@)(@)""""""""""""**|(@)(@)****|(@)|
#2
nobody?
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#3
I liked it. Thought it was a pretty good piece overall and I especially liked the line:

All you talk about is God
But he can see your crimes and fraud
All the votes that you have bought
and the people you have used

I thought this tied together alot of things and painted a good picture of the villain of the song in just 4 lines. What kind of song is it exactly? I find that that helps in giving a full critique, but I'd say this works best as rock or sort of pop punk, but I do not know what you are going for. I liked that you didn't get too caught up in making the last line of each stanza rhyme, I think that helps to give the song a more powerful or serious feel as opposed to a nursery rhyme. I would eliminate the second "All" in the first stanza as I don't really think it is necessary, but everything comes down to how you sing it. And this is just formatting and kind of stupid to bring up, but is there a reason the third stanza is not capitalized like the others? Was this something you wrote on the spot? If so, congratulations, it is one of the better parts of the song. It really captures what the problem is and how it is affecting us and why we should listen to the song further. Last thing, i don't understand "live ON your own life", maybe you could try "live out your own life" or "live on with your own life" or "live on with your life". Other than that I think it is a good piece and you should definitely keep working on it and keep writing. Cheers
#4
thanks it is an acoustic song maybe a bit bob dylan style with his early protest songs


i see that there is a mistake in live on your own life i still have to fix something about that.
|^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^\||____
|....The BEER TRUCK.... ||||'""|""°\_,__
|___Just for You___l||__|__|___|) _____|
|(@)(@)""""""""""""**|(@)(@)****|(@)|