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#1
1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is say "you better be" , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things, they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewellery is for pussy's and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words fcuk you and grab the other girls arse. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop b*tching about the cold right now you're going to be b*tching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt and say "No she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

22. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

23. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

24. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much but I think it's funny.

25. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Now don't call. That's also quite funny

Essential information.
Friends, applaud the comedy is over.


I'd dance with you but...


#4
thanks man I'll try that out !

EDIT: she brtoke mie rigght haand


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#6
I laughed.
The will to neither strive nor cry,
The power to feel with others give.
Calm, calm me more; nor let me die
Before I have begun to live.

-Matthew Arnold

Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.
#7
exactly how womans should be treated
www.myspace.com/adayoverdue

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#10
Quote by Dinkydaisy
I laughed.

Me too. Especially at number 14. I could just picture someone doing that
#15
Quote by itsatrap1
Lol sorta like **removed link**

I hope you enjoy being banned
Last edited by littlephil at Mar 1, 2008,
#19
Quote by littlephil
^Consider yourself lucky


Not too much detail but what is it?
#22
i dare any of you to do anyone of those without getting dumped immediately
MEMBER OF THE LAUGAM BRITISH HIT SQUAD! HONORARY MEMBER OF THE SWEDISH LAUGAM HIT SQUAD!
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Esther is officially awesome and smart - Frenchy
#23
Quote by esther_mouse
i dare any of you to do anyone of those without getting dumped immediately

I would try the least assholeish (not a word?) ones, but alas, i have no girlfriend
#24
This thread is defenatly not the place to learn how to impress a woman.
Purple string dampener scrunchy.
#25
Quote by esther_mouse
i dare any of you to do anyone of those without getting dumped immediately

I've done the calling in the middle of the night one and not been dumped
"Why should we subsidise intellectual curiosity?"
-Ronald Reagan

"Knowledge is in every country the surest basis of public happiness."
-George Washington
#26
Quote by Ur all $h1t
I've done the calling in the middle of the night one and not been dumped


So you were thrown?
Purple string dampener scrunchy.
#27
I laughed loudly enough so that people in the vicinity could tell I was amused by something.
The UG Awards exist only to instill me with existential doubt.


For me, the 60's ended that day in 1978...

Willies. Fuck the lick and fuck you too.
#28
I got left for a guy who actually does half the things on this list.
Quote by vintage x metal
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#29
lmao...
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
making a windows machine look like a mac is like putting lipstick on a pig.


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#30
Here I was thinking there might be some actual good advice in here.


How right I was!
#31
Quote by Ichikurosaki
Ok if you wanna attract manly lesbians..


+1 duuude that's like all wrong for about 98% of the girls on earth. Nice attempt though.....
BITCH, IMA LEAD FARMER

Read 'Em =]
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[thread="1177989"]Unwanted[/thread]
[thread="1179087"]Rude Awakening[/thread]
#32
Quote by barrcode
+1 duuude that's like all wrong for about 98% of the girls on earth. Nice attempt though.....


What?! You've obviously never had a woman before.
Friends, applaud the comedy is over.


I'd dance with you but...


#34
Quote by Child In Time


3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.




I liked that one
"Even though I've found God, I still love blow jobs, and I still say fuck." - Dave Mustaine

You know, when you, like, you grab a woman's breast and it's... and you feel it and... it feels like a bag of sand when you're touching it.
#38
the sad thing is that this actually works on many girls at my school. I see people practice them all the time and girls somehow like it.
The Mitch Clem formula
1)make jokes about rancid and NOFX (as if they dont already make fun of themselves)
2)make obvious punk puns, possibly related to food
3)make fun of Rancid and NOFX again
4)??????
5)PROFIT (and an army of internet fanboys)
#39
I actually do number 5 to my friends quite often and it never works. This list is BUNK!
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