#1
so yeah

havent put one of these up in a while

might redo solo iff anything

i wrote this all today

it has an epic feeling like that of tears dont fall, or second heartbeat

c4c as always

THE VERSIONS ARE LABELED
THERE ARE 3 DIFFERENT ONES
ACOUSTIC IS FURTHER DOWN THE PAGE
V3 METAL, IS SORTOF A JOKE
THE PLAIN ANOTHER DAY ZIP IS THE ORIGINAL AND BEST VERSION
=)
Attachments:
another day metal 3.zip
another day.zip
Quote by metul kult
You know when Attack Attack is ripping off your music, you're onto something


twitter: @victorstaygold
Last edited by envoykrawkwar7 at Mar 9, 2008,
#2
Definitely has that epic feel to it. Especially during the pre-chorus. I really like those chords during the chorus. Maybe do more with the coreverse parts, they seemed kind of repetitive and long. Your solos... do I even need to say =P . They just... good, no amazing lol. Loved the part where it starts to speed up to the prechorus. You've gotten better at song writing, that's for sure. Great job on this! 9.5/10
#3
Quote by xxCHANCExx
Definitely has that epic feel to it. Especially during the pre-chorus. I really like those chords during the chorus. Maybe do more with the coreverse parts, they seemed kind of repetitive and long. Your solos... do I even need to say =P . They just... good, no amazing lol. Loved the part where it starts to speed up to the prechorus. You've gotten better at song writing, that's for sure. Great job on this! 9.5/10

ahh thanks

the core verse things are only for this version and will be the only things to change
i plan on making like 3 versions of this
like a power metal one, a classic rock and mabey like i dunno, i might be able to do a popmetal thing

although, any tips on makeing them better?

[yeah, ive done a hellava lot of studing on theory and songwriting recently, and being less lazy on not just copy and past 60 times for 13 minutes]
Quote by metul kult
You know when Attack Attack is ripping off your music, you're onto something


twitter: @victorstaygold
#4
Popmetal? Can't wait to hear that lol. And it's mainly just the second coreverse that got kind of boring. It when you hit the g chord on the bottom three strings that got kind of annoying, because it just stops all of a sudden. Do it maybe once, then just continue and maybe shorten it or write new parts for it. Good luck with the other versions!
#5
Quote by xxCHANCExx
Popmetal? Can't wait to hear that lol. And it's mainly just the second coreverse that got kind of boring. It when you hit the g chord on the bottom three strings that got kind of annoying, because it just stops all of a sudden. Do it maybe once, then just continue and maybe shorten it or write new parts for it. Good luck with the other versions!

haha
dont you rember my last popmetal song?
[if not pm a sn for like aim and ill send it to ya]

and ill fix that right now

but its mainly because there are bass solos under em you cant really hear
Quote by metul kult
You know when Attack Attack is ripping off your music, you're onto something


twitter: @victorstaygold
#6
Oh, I see. Didn't even hear those lol. Maybe if you have some drums going it would be okay. Even just like a high hat sound or something to keep the flow. And PM it to me if you want, I don't remember it sadly.
#7
Critting as I listen;

The chords in the intro are cool, nice suspened? bits and harmonys on them aswell!

Shreddy bit is rather epic, then a chuggachugaa riff. It's sort of happy sounding May I add good drums so far!

The bridge reminds me of A7x for some reason, i'm not sure why.
I'm not fond of the drums here to be honest.

Reintro, very nice. Something I wouldn't of thought off.

Then another chugga riff, not fond of this bit much. But it's nice to see your using the bass for something other than root notes!

Bridge again, yay. Again, the drums, a slight put-off for me here.

Ok it turns out the 'Reintro' is a prechorus. Fair enough

The chorus, dosent sound very chorusy to me. Sounds more like a Triviumy/BFMV verse.
But it's still good anyways.

Sweet solo, i'd of gone a bit faster in places. But overall, it's very good!
You made the bend's work in GP *something I constantly have trouble with*.

Overall, 9.999/10.

Some of the drums put me off.
I can feel the Tears Dont Fall in here but not the Second Heartbeat like you said.

SH is alot more in your face, agressive. Maybe it's the MIDI thats putting that off but I can't hear that at the moment.
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
#8
Quote by Carl6661

The chords in the intro are cool, nice suspened? bits and harmonys on them aswell!
The bridge reminds me of A7x for some reason, i'm not sure why.
I'm not fond of the drums here to be honest.
Bridge again, yay. Again, the drums, a slight put-off for me here.
The chorus, dosent sound very chorusy to me. Sounds more like a Triviumy/BFMV verse.
But it's still good anyways.
Overall, 9.999/10.

Some of the drums put me off.
I can feel the Tears Dont Fall in here but not the Second Heartbeat like you said.

SH is alot more in your face, agressive. Maybe it's the MIDI thats putting that off but I can't hear that at the moment.


yeah the sh influence is only on the solo and mabey bridge [might have been what i wrote it listening to]

mind throwing some drum pointers

btw thanks =)
Quote by metul kult
You know when Attack Attack is ripping off your music, you're onto something


twitter: @victorstaygold
#9
Quote by envoykrawkwar7
yeah the sh influence is only on the solo and mabey bridge [might have been what i wrote it listening to]

mind throwing some drum pointers

btw thanks =)


Drum pointers;

Ive not got the GP open at the moment but the bridge was the main putoff for me.
From what I remember there was alot of fast hight hats.

I would of used a double kick there, maybe with some sort of high hate bit there instead of just a 1 2 3 4 thing on the quater or eigth notes. Try to elaborate on the 1 2 3 4's and make them a bit more unique, maybe with sime triplets or something, whatever takes your fancy. And maybe some fills on the snares and tom's and such to spice it up a little
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
#10
This is cool

I really like the Prechorus and Chorus parts.

The shred-in part seemed kind of strange. I like the lead guitar parts, but the way the drums come back in for one measure at 21 and then stop doesn't really feel right.

I like the versecore parts but they're too repetitive.

I like the way the break up goes into the bridge. Like someone said before, the drums are wierd sounding.

I don't like the way the the bridge goes back into the prechorus. I don't know why.

Once again, great chorus parts.

The bass solos are really cool.

The final chorus is great.

The solos are just fantastic! Very nice harmonies. I don't really like that you ended on beat 4 though. Maybe one extra beat would have made it better? It's your call.

Awesome song overall.
Eh....8.5/10 I guess, maybe 9.


Also I'm going to extend the solo on Metal IV sometime.
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#11
pretty good. not exactly my style but I like it.
I like the style changes and the random parts to it.
the high-hat makes the song push more (if you know what I mean)
I also like the intricate riffs too.
I don't like the palm-muted part that much though
8/10

exactly how do you play two strings that are separated by another string at the same time like that?
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#12
Quote by basskicker
pretty good. not exactly my style but I like it.
I like the style changes and the random parts to it.
the high-hat makes the song push more (if you know what I mean)
I also like the intricate riffs too.
I don't like the palm-muted part that much though
8/10

exactly how do you play two strings that are separated by another string at the same time like that?


which palm muted part?

and theyre just octaves, i forgot to put the little muted note in the middle =p

although, i just tied two picks between my fingers while making a fist, and that works too although its akward
Quote by metul kult
You know when Attack Attack is ripping off your music, you're onto something


twitter: @victorstaygold
#13
Epic my friend.
Intro, pre-chorus, chorus at the beginning wasn't what I expected, but they were really nice.
The shredding part was cool, and the bend at the end was nice, maybe a bit long though?
The first verse was just awesome, I'm not into metalcore or anything like that, but that didn't sound so brutal, which is pretty cool.
Maybe you should play the bridge once, it was ok, but long.
The solo was really awesome, very melodic, lots of bends, some shredding, nice job.
:O Nice, ending with the solo hehe

Anyways, that was really cool, I didn't think it sounded like metalcore :O Epiccore yeah!

9/10

Cheers for the crit, I appreciate it.
#14
Quote by DarkTom666
Epic my friend.
Intro, pre-chorus, chorus at the beginning wasn't what I expected, but they were really nice.
The shredding part was cool, and the bend at the end was nice, maybe a bit long though?
The first verse was just awesome, I'm not into metalcore or anything like that, but that didn't sound so brutal, which is pretty cool.
Maybe you should play the bridge once, it was ok, but long.
The solo was really awesome, very melodic, lots of bends, some shredding, nice job.
:O Nice, ending with the solo hehe

Anyways, that was really cool, I didn't think it sounded like metalcore :O Epiccore yeah!

9/10

Cheers for the crit, I appreciate it.


haha. metalcore in major keys= way not brutal

thanks for the crit as well =)

epiccore is one hell of an awesome new genre lol
Quote by metul kult
You know when Attack Attack is ripping off your music, you're onto something


twitter: @victorstaygold
#15
brand new update
again

new
-metal version
includes alt riffs for verses
and an alternate solo

proof that changing riffs can change a song

looking for some people to collab and help write a power metal verion too

and heres the acoustic for those who didnt get to see it
Attachments:
another day acoustic.zip
Quote by metul kult
You know when Attack Attack is ripping off your music, you're onto something


twitter: @victorstaygold
Last edited by envoykrawkwar7 at Mar 3, 2008,
#16
I really liked that. the solo fit Very nicely, and i liked how the whole thing flowed. You do a good job at adding and taking away...eh...whats the word...tension? energy maybe? I don't know, but this would be a REALLY good song if it had vocals. you'd better record this :P


p.s. i sent you a pm
-don't have aim or aol :\
#17
Quote by p!r4Te
I really liked that. the solo fit Very nicely, and i liked how the whole thing flowed. You do a good job at adding and taking away...eh...whats the word...tension? energy maybe? I don't know, but this would be a REALLY good song if it had vocals. you'd better record this :P


p.s. i sent you a pm
-don't have aim or aol :\

thanks =)

and
yeah its tension

bleh, i havent even finished writing the vocals yet, let alone learning the chorus changes, and dont even get me started on teh solo
haha

i will record this eventually, i love it

and did you check out any of the alternate versions?, they all have diff solos and verses which change the feel quite a bit
Quote by metul kult
You know when Attack Attack is ripping off your music, you're onto something


twitter: @victorstaygold
#18
Nice shredding lol. Always love the slides. Talking about the metal core version here. The drums are amazing. The bridge is great. Chorus is catchy. 9/10
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#19
Godd stuff! I liked it.

Had good consistent theme running through out.
Some really good technical riffing.
On the downside i belive the first solo could be put together abit better, sounds slightly mechanical to me.

overall 8/10
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#20
some of it seems sort of impossible or otherwise impractical to play but it was pretty good overall.
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#21
I liked the whole piece personally, i did however feel that the bend in the shred at the start came in a little too early...personally i'd have tried to get another quick triplet of notes in myself. Also maybe fading in that first chord along with the cymbals? Might make the prechorus sound even more epic when it hits.

I must point out that i like your use of chords btw =)

I dont reckon bars 22 and 23 really do much if im honest, i feel the verse could do with coming in sooner. The verses themselves are really well done, big epic happy feel to it (due to the key its written in) and i can just hear the vocals over it now.

i'll give it 8.5/10 , a few minor improvements here and there will crank that to at least 9.5

Cheers for the crit btw
#22
Quote by pete07
I liked the whole piece personally, i did however feel that the bend in the shred at the start came in a little too early...personally i'd have tried to get another quick triplet of notes in myself. Also maybe fading in that first chord along with the cymbals? Might make the prechorus sound even more epic when it hits.

I must point out that i like your use of chords btw =)

I dont reckon bars 22 and 23 really do much if im honest, i feel the verse could do with coming in sooner. The verses themselves are really well done, big epic happy feel to it (due to the key its written in) and i can just hear the vocals over it now.

i'll give it 8.5/10 , a few minor improvements here and there will crank that to at least 9.5

Cheers for the crit btw


yeah youre right on tht fade in part
it does sound better

the shred though, im rather fond of, and cant add any more becuse i went to 22 to early [22 frets ftl, and im just lazy haha]

which version was this crit for?
because they all have different solos and verses [the metalcore/plain verson has the best solo id say]
Quote by metul kult
You know when Attack Attack is ripping off your music, you're onto something


twitter: @victorstaygold
#23
The intro chord sounds... off. I don't know what it is about it but it doesn't sound right for some odd reason.

The prechorus was fine, I just thought it might have needed a little more in it but listening to it again, it sounds fine as it is.

The chorus reminds me of Children of Bodom for some reason, which is a good thing.

The artificial harmonic/whammy dive didn't really seem to fit for me, especially going into the verse. It didn't seem to match the overall feel of what was happening.

Speaking of the verse, again it didn't seem to match what was happening. I've never actually listened to anything defined as "epiccore", so I don't know if this is a typical thing but it goes from being epic and powerful into absolute chaos in a matter of seconds. I think it'd be better to take the verse and make it a different song with a different style and find a better way to make the verse better match the chorus.

The bass solos just sound like random little runs thrown in for some reason. I wasn't much a fan of them.

The shred solos didn't seem good imo either. Again with the matching the earlier parts and such. I personally think it'd be better to throw in a more melodic solo to better fit the mood.

The ending chorus sounded great though, I liked it.

looking forward to hearing more stuff like this! keep up the good work!
#24
orange, what version did you listen to?
because if it was v3 metal, then yeah that one is absolute chaos, the regular one is the best, and you might like the acoustic one better [look for an attachment on page 1]
#25
I believe it was V3, and I got the acoustic version but haven't listened to much of it yet.
#26
Quote by OrangePossum
I believe it was V3, and I got the acoustic version but haven't listened to much of it yet.


haha
yeah
v3 is complete ****
i dont even know why i did it
im still trying to find inspiration to work on final v4
itll be power metal, which should work well with the epic feel, and i get to write 20 solos to it
Quote by metul kult
You know when Attack Attack is ripping off your music, you're onto something


twitter: @victorstaygold
#27
i didn't really like it, but i guess that's just because of my musical preference.
it's well written though.
the solos we're awesome, i'd be impressed if you could play em cleanly IRL haha.
not really my cup of tea, but still awesome.

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#28
i can play most of the original cleanly
just need to finish up learnign the harmonyshred
i wrote the first half on guitar and all teh shred stuff in gp
easies way to write solos ive found so far

but you didnt like any of the 3 diff versions?
that sucks

thanks btw =)
Quote by metul kult
You know when Attack Attack is ripping off your music, you're onto something


twitter: @victorstaygold
#29
This was really good. Great job on the choruses and the solo especially. The bridge is alright, as said before the drums were a little iffy, but it would work a lot better with vocals. The versecore parts threw me off a little because they sound so happy and major. I'd probably try to rework them some, but if that's what you're going for then it's great. The solo was awesome except bar 123 sounds just a little out of key. Overall great job.
Oh Shit!
#30
To be honest i wasnt such a fan of this, not realy my kind of thing.
The chorus is fine i guese, i think it would be better on a acoustic though, gonna cheak that verson later. The shered didnt realy fit as the other guy said. I actualy liked the AH divebomb thing before the verse. The verse is very repetetive and doesnt realy have anything uniqe. i think it, or i know it would sound better (to my ears atleast) if you change the bass notes a little, so you dont always hit a C, it gets boring. I like the bridge and the prechorus. Verse2 is the same as with the first, its not uniqe and it gets boring with only Gs in the bass. Bass solo is probobly cool, but everything evolves around a G and it gets so monotonous. Final chorus, its cool the way you move it 2 steps higher, and its a little diffrent, and better. But why do you have to reapet it? its already long enough, you kill it by playing it to much, it gets old, if you dont got vocals that is, couse if you got that, then its all good. The solo is fine, though bar 112 is out of place. One thing that might make it better though is dampening the volume on the rhythm guitars, or boosting it on the leads, couse they kinda drown someplaces. and maybe change the rhythm as the solo goes to, that would be good.

Im sorry if this all sounded very negative, its just that this wasnt realy my kind of music.
Anyways, thanks for the crit on my song, realy appriciate it.
#31
not bad. I loved the solos and the drumming. I just think that some of the riffs feel out of place with the song
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#32
Quote by psychotim
To Anyways, thanks for the crit on my song, realy appriciate it.


ehaha
bass
see the thing is
im sorta going between bassists right now, and dont know if im going to end up with the good one, or the bad one, so i sorta wrote what they could both play

and on the note of the verses
its sorta supposed to give teh feel of just and average day, in an average life, nothing special, always repeating, then its got the chorus, representing the highlights of the day, [sortof placed in near food times], and the bridges going wiht the point of down times during the day that just fly past
and on the note of the final chorus, the repeat actually helps make the solo better as it adds more tension to the feel of the song, and sortof goes along wiht the whole life thing as its building up right before the amazing thing of the day happens, if you listen to it again and think about that, it will seem better, and as to bar 112 of the solo, its going along with the whole epic part of the day, starting slow as it usually seems to, then getting better, then just taking off, and then its over.

bleh, that was a lot of writing, thanks for the crit
Quote by metul kult
You know when Attack Attack is ripping off your music, you're onto something


twitter: @victorstaygold
#33
I like that in contrast to most -core songs, this one didn't just use the minor scale all the time. The lead intro thingy was pretty good, imo. I somehow think it sounds like some kind of a christmas song It was good, but I somehow thought it sounded really strange, since I've never really heard anything that sounds like this before. I didn't think it sounded particularly epic though. The drums were a bit annoying too, but overall it was pretty good, although I'm not a fan of the -core genres. It was really well made but I thought it got a little TOO chaotic on the end though, although the outro solos were great, the harmony and the drums kinda made it a little annoying (that might be guitar pro's fault though).
#34
Quote by Pingis_Or_Death
I like that in contrast to most -core songs, this one didn't just use the minor scale all the time. The lead intro thingy was pretty good, imo. I somehow think it sounds like some kind of a christmas song It was good, but I somehow thought it sounded really strange, since I've never really heard anything that sounds like this before. I didn't think it sounded particularly epic though. The drums were a bit annoying too, but overall it was pretty good, although I'm not a fan of the -core genres. It was really well made but I thought it got a little TOO chaotic on the end though, although the outro solos were great, the harmony and the drums kinda made it a little annoying (that might be guitar pro's fault though).


well thats because i dont know the minor scale, haha

yeah gp really screws some of this stuff up
but the reason its so chaotic, is becasue i didnt plan it right, it was supposed to weave in and out, like the little rythm chorus solo would go then for a bar and a quarter it would do lead solo, so on and so forth

thanks for the crit by the way =)
Quote by metul kult
You know when Attack Attack is ripping off your music, you're onto something


twitter: @victorstaygold
#35
That was entertaining.
I loved the shredding, haha.
Showoff.
lol.

Bars 30 - 31 were great.
The chords were great,
everything seemed to fit
in rather nicely.

I can't find anything here to let you down.

9/10 - Drums could have been better.