#1
dunno much about writing lyrics to a professional standard.
but i like this, and thats what matters.
hopefully you will too.
tell me what you think.
tis written for a girl who asked me to write her a song. no we are not going out. but yes we love each other.


i am yet to put it to music, but as it is quite repeditive in form it will probs remain a poem...


"the pain of love"

i would staple my eyelids open,
to prevent myself from sleep,
and i would leave my window open,
i would wait for you all week.

i would cage my thoughts together,
and hide them somewhere new,
so nothing would get in the way,
would sway my thoughts from you.

a i would tear hair from my scalp,
and tie you to my ear,
then tape my ears together, so i,
could hear you twice as clear.

i'd take hostage my own shadow,
to stitch onto your own.
we'll then be joined together,
and youll never be alone.

i'll rip off my own arm.
and i will place it where you stand.
so no matter where you are,
i can lend a helping hand.

i would pull out all my teeth,
and then connect them to some twine,
you can hang it round your neck,
and youll remain forever mine.

i would collect all of my jelously,
to serve in a restrant,
it was all caused by you,
you can have as much as you want.

i would take all of your faults,
and throw them at the sun.
and it wouldnt be a problem,
as they are so close to none.

i would take your photo nicely,
so i could keep you when im old.
and to match a smile pricelss,
i would make a frame of gold.

i will take a rope and bell,
and attatch it to your frown.
and when it rings, i will come,
and help you when your down.

ill buy a diary, then i will write,
your name on every page,
so i'll always have time for you,
untill i die of age.

i will put you in a needle,
to inject into my vien.
then ill take it twice a day,
so you'll always flow through my brain

"theresa" it will read,
everywhere i will tatoo,
so when people see my back,
they will know that im with you.

i will run a hundred k's.
and i'll always be well fed,
so that i will remain,
always two steps ahead
--------------------------------
i felt great the day i met you,
and have been happy ever since,
i dont think theres a trace of doubt,
that i am not your prince.
Last edited by HethaHORRIFIC at Mar 2, 2008,
#2
ummmm, okay.
will do

edit: i fixed the heading, is that what was wrong.
if so, i think it is fine now. thanks for your help.
it was first time i had posted in this forum and hadnt read the rules.

crit for crit by the way
Last edited by HethaHORRIFIC at Mar 2, 2008,
#4
Quote by nightraven
please read the rules regarding titles and in general.

reported.

Mate your a Tosser... stop trying to get off to a sense of your own self rightousness and discuss the song. if theres really a problem with this songwriting forum its you, as rather than do as suppose to and discuss the songs you just try to get people threads closed. so to sum up **** off you anus!

i thought the song was cool, good lyrics and it seemed to flow well... nice one
Light touch my hand, in a dream of Golden Skans, from now on.
You can forget our future plans.
#5
Quote by Gizmo69
Mate your a Tosser... stop trying to get off to a sense of your own self rightousness and discuss the song. if theres really a problem with this songwriting forum its you, as rather than do as suppose to and discuss the songs you just try to get people threads closed. so to sum up **** off you anus!

i thought the song was cool, good lyrics and it seemed to flow well... nice one


thanks heaps. i apreciate your comment. and as for that other guy....

i made another thread with a different heading. happy now?
delete this one somehow if i knew how.
but yeh.
#6
To delete a thread, click edit on the first post then on the new screen at the top is 'delete message', check the box and then click the button below it.

Also just a friendly word of advice, the guy you're thanking isn't going to last long here with that attitude, I don't think it would be smart to be thanking him, I'd perhaps thank the guy who is trying to help you fit in and make sure you're doing things right, i.e. Nightraven.

peACE
THW
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.