#1
Im really a bit unsure about these lyrics,
just sort of came up with them,
spur of the moment.
I will crit anyone back obviously,
just let me know your opinions!

Edit: Just thought id mention, its meant to be sung quite fast. Almost rapped. If youve ever heard Scroobius Pip, then that sort of style.

Lord

Lord is a word,
that when coupled together,
rings connotations of grandeur,
because they're standings are better,
but your tied to a tether,
constantly getting leathered,
your features are weathered,
but your resolve has been revered.

So kudos to the man,
who will work all day long,
But shame on the lord,
To whom he belongs,

On his hunt yesterday,
the lord thought to himself,
am I too hard on the man,
who assembles his own shelf,
doesn't care for his health,
has little to no wealth,
and who's widow is stricken
cos' he shot himself.

So kudos to the man,
who will work all day long,
But shame on the lord,
To whom he belongs,

The lord heard the news,
of his subjects recession,
he frowned a little,
wasnt a heartfelt expression,
for it didn't aid his profession,
all the minor indiscretions,
he felt no aggression,
continued his money counting session.

So kudos to the man,
who will work all day long,
But shame on the lord,
To whom he belongs,
Last edited by josh_lomas at Mar 2, 2008,
#2
that's cool, it definitely sounds like a rap song because of the rhyming. is it meant to be for a band?
#3
No its not really for anything,
I guess its more of a poem than lyrics in that sense.
But im thinking of recordinging it with some sort of bit-crushed skippy beats,
Might sound cool.!
#4
This is good but it was a bit too descriptive around the word Lord. I personally don't think you've executed what you had in mind; that's probably symbolism. Some the vocab was also a bit unnecessary, no? (Tell me what you'd in mind).

Overall i thought it was impressive.

If you've time have a look at 'Bigger part 2' for me.
#5
Quote by Bleed Away
This is good but it was a bit too descriptive around the word Lord. I personally don't think you've executed what you had in mind; that's probably symbolism. Some the vocab was also a bit unnecessary, no? (Tell me what you'd in mind).

Overall i thought it was impressive.

If you've time have a look at 'Bigger part 2' for me.


Cheers for the crit man. Honestly i didnt set out with anything in mind.
Its purely freeverse really.
It just gained a sort of structure while i was writing.
Could you specify the vocab you mean for me aswell?

BUt thanks. Ive commented "Bigger part 2" (y)