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#1
I am nearly 16 and ALL my life I have had to deal with my dad's ****. My mom and dad were married in 1985, had my brother in 1986, my 2nd brother in 1988, and I was born in 1992. My dad is a drug abuser and an alcoholic. When I was 4, my parents got divorced and my dad started dating other people. He was always cheating on my mom though.

For the last 5 years, he has been dating this woman named Debbie. 4 years ago, we intervened on him and he was put in rehab for a month. He came back, clean and sober, and a great dad. He got a great job that pays 6 digits and then some and things were looking up. I do believe that he gave up drinking, but he never gave up pot. My whole family has caught him smoking.

2 and a half years ago, he was caught cheating by Debbie. They got in a fight, broke up for just a few days and got back together. They made a pact that they would stay faithful. My dad never did, but Debbie did. I have been putting up with this **** of drugs, alcohol, and him being emotionally detached my whole life and so I never really had a dad growing up. Within the past few months, my dad and Debbie decided to get married (even though my dad is STILL unfaithful). I just couldn't allow this. I mean, its unfair. Unfair to Debbie, a nice person who doesn't know whats going on. Its unfair to me and my brothers, for be put into a broken home AGAIN and have my dad still unfaithful. It is unfair to everyone involved really.

Today, dad invited me, my brothers, Debbie, and Debbie's daughter to lunch to discuss a wedding. My family begged us not to bring everything up (unfaithfulness, pot, etc.) but we knew that this was something that had to be done.

They asked us if we were concerned about anything and my brother starts. He says that my dad has been unfaithful and that he doesn't have the best track record. My dad knows this is going NOWHERE good for him so he wants to leave. Debbie's daughter begs my dad not to leave the restaurant and makes him sit down. My dad has his head down in shame meanwhile. I tell Debbie that my dad has been cheating on her by also registering for dating websites a mere 2 weeks ago! To back this up, I have screenshots I took of his history. We tell Debbie that he has still been smoking pot. Everything is out in the open.

So my dad pays the check and leaves. Debbie and her daugher are relieved that they didn't go through with this and thanked us that we told them before they made a big mistake. We go to my dad's house to see if he's ok (and that hes not suicidal or anything...) and hes not there. We call him up on his cell and he is on the other line crying saying how we "crucified him" and that we "got what we want" and that he never wants to see us or talk to us EVER again.


Guys, i need some help. I love my father, yea, hes a terrible person but he is my dad. He hasn't been there for me, he is a hyprocrite and a con artist but he is still my dad. Even though he isn't a good father figure, I still want him in my life. I do not regret what I did but he is blaming everything HE did on US! It is ridiculous. Does anybody know what I can do? He doesn't want to talk to us and I don't want to call him up or he may seriously hurt himself. I am really afraid that he will kill himself. We hurt him really bad. I felt that it was the right thing to do though....
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Last edited by WlCmToTheJungle at Mar 2, 2008,
#2
wow, i don't think many UG'ers will read that, i skimmed it.

But if you don't want to deal with that then move out. if he hasn't provided for you/cared for you, he is only your fater by biology.
#3
I don't think that was the right thing to do.

Humiliating your father infront of his fiancee's daughter and his entire family in the middle of a resteraunt?

What the fuck is wrong with you?

He's clearly a messed up guy, but you should be discussing that in private with Debbie or whoever else is concerned. Bringing him out to publically bash him is probably the worst thing I can possibly think of in terms of solving problems.
#5
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#6
Quote by skagitup
I don't think that was the right thing to do.

Humiliating your father infront of his fiancee's daughter and his entire family in the middle of a resteraunt?

What the fuck is wrong with you?



Debbie had to know what was going on!

If you were marrying someone who cheated on you, wouldnt you want to know?
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#7
Quote by WlCmToTheJungle
Debbie had to know what was going on!

If you were marrying someone who cheated on you, wouldnt you want to know?

You were right telling her, but you still should have told her in private rather than just right there.
#8
just ignore him, I'm thinking this is a pity cry for attention. Judging from your story he'll come crawling back in a while.
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#9
Quote by WlCmToTheJungle
Debbie had to know what was going on!

If you were marrying someone who cheated on you, wouldnt you want to know?


I wouldn't want to find out in the middle of a resteraunt infront of my daughter, no. Infact, I think that would probably be one of the worst things I can imagine happening to me in terms of sheer humiliation.
#11
Quote by freedoms_stain
If that wall collapsed many innocent UGers would die.

nice.
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#12
Asking people on a forum wont help you.

But my advice is people can't be changed. The only they can is if they want to but they have to do it themselves.
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#13
Quote by emr_steelmech
nice.


that it was
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#14
what you should have done was tell your dad in private that you knew everything, and then tell him to come clean with Debbie on his own. If he didn't, then you tell Debbie in private.
TheBurningFish wrote:
I don't mean to generalise but I don't believe the average Coldplay fan is a massive musical theory nut.


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#15
Yeah, you shouldn't have confronted him like that. Apoligize (that's the least thing you could do), and try to get special help from him.
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#16
Quote by FireandFlames
You were right telling her, but you still should have told her in private rather than just right there.



+1. You could've handle it better mate.

but then again, you're young and probably thought it was teh best way to do this.

Anyone else up for flaming this kid can **** off. He didn't know what to do, he's 16 for christs sake.

Listen keep callin your dad and try to get to talk to him. Make sure if you do you or anyone else who was there or feels the same way goes with you. Have the biggest talk with your dad ever. remind him of when times were good and how you appreciated him trying to get sober for a while.

thats what i would do but i don't know the full story.

good luck and hopefully everything works out ok for you and your family
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#17
I would like to think i would have done the same thing, good for you having the balls to go through with it.
#19
yeah i think you should have pulled debbie aside and told her privatively, not only did you humiliate you dad but her as well. i understand your intentions but the way you went about it was wrong.
#20
Quote by guylee
holy wall of text batman!

Seriously, these jokes aren't funny anymore.
We get it, you're too stupid to read. HAHA. **** YEAH.

On topic:
I'm terribly sorry to hear about what's been happening. The most important thing for you right now is to constantly maintain a line of communication with your father. Let him know you care and that you didn't do what you did because you wanted to hurt him. You did it because you didn't want him to end up hurting himself AND Debbie.

I can understand why he'd blame you, you did kind of ruin his soon to be marriage, but I'm sure you guys will come to terms eventually. If it was me, I wouldn't have done it like that. I would have confronted him personally about it and told him that if he didn't get his **** straight soon enough, then I would tell Debbie about the bad things he's been doing.

As far as smoking pot, that's harmless, bro. You really, REALLY shouldn't think any less of a man for smoking pot. One of my friends' fathers is a genius. The man makes a ****load of money, provides well for his family, plays guitar and piano, and he smokes pot. He's just a super rad guy. Pot =/= bad or stupid person.

I wish you the best.
#21
Quote by freedoms_stain
If that wall collapsed many innocent UGers would die.

haha
#22
Taking screenshots of his history? Bit ridiculous. And smoking da bud ain't bad if he's earning 6 figure sums. You should have just had a talk with your dad first before doing this.
#23
so I am at my moms right now and its Sunday night. On tuesday nights, I usually go to my dads house. Do you guys think I should go?

I have a key, if hes not home or just ignoring me, should I walk in?

EDIT: and to everyone saying I should have talked with him first, I did. Many times. I have confronted him and he always says that he will try to be there more for us but he never has.
My Gear:
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Epiphone Sheraton II
Fender Blues Deluxe Reissue
Teese RMC Picture Wah
MXR Carbon Copy
Keeley Modded TS9
Korg Pitchblack
Schecter Omen 6
Dean Performer Acoustic

#24
you were right in letting her know, but that wasnt the right way to do it.
#25
You took the right approach. My dad was never there for me either, and we went through many fights, some just as bad as this. You just have to wait it out, he'll come around. Just don't keep him out of your life, try to talk to him as much as possible, he will sooner or later cave, or that's what I did.
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#26
Don't worry, you did the right thing. It was coming eventually, you just stopped it before it built up and boiled over. I know how you feel. I've got a ****ty family too, except I'm an only child, so I get it even worse. Try to get him to talk to you. I know he may want to ignore you, but sit him down and discuss his problems. Explain to him why you did what you did. If he has any common sense, he should understand that you only wanted the best for both Debbie and himself.
#27
Dude, your dad is like a clone of mine.
Except my dad doesn't cheat or do pot, but is more... let's say "crazy".
You did the right thing 100%. They deserved to know.
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#29
wow sorry to hear that

but your best bet is to do whatever you can to try and find him.

calling the cops for help might be an option?

and do you still stay in contact with your mother?
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#30
Quote by Aftertime
wow sorry to hear that

but your best bet is to do whatever you can to try and find him.

calling the cops for help might be an option?

and do you still stay in contact with your mother?



yes, my mom has been amazing for the last 12 years. I am at her house right now. She always supports me in whatever i do and is just an overall wonderful person.
My Gear:
Fender American Deluxe Stratocaster
Epiphone Sheraton II
Fender Blues Deluxe Reissue
Teese RMC Picture Wah
MXR Carbon Copy
Keeley Modded TS9
Korg Pitchblack
Schecter Omen 6
Dean Performer Acoustic

#31
I think you did the right thing. I think he deserved to suffer the shame he suffered for the things that he's done to you, your family, and Debbie's family. He deserved every single bit of it, if not more.
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#32
my dad is the same as yours. ive just learned to not focus on his problems and try to fix them myself. hes gotta help himself. what you did was right, for doing all that in the first place he deserved the embarrasment. dont to the crime if you cant do the time peeps!
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#34
Well my brother just called me (he went back to college after lunch) and he said that he is gonna call dad tonight. We will find out if he even picks up and what not. Only time can tell
My Gear:
Fender American Deluxe Stratocaster
Epiphone Sheraton II
Fender Blues Deluxe Reissue
Teese RMC Picture Wah
MXR Carbon Copy
Keeley Modded TS9
Korg Pitchblack
Schecter Omen 6
Dean Performer Acoustic

#35
The most important thing to do right now is to find out where he is and either check on him yourself or find someone else to do it. If he has a close friend or relative, try to get them to go and talk to him.
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#36
The cheating you should of brought up, but now in public. The weed there was really no reason to bring up unless she hates it or something, and again not in public.

Yall really pulled a ****er man.
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#37
Quote by skagitup
I don't think that was the right thing to do.

Humiliating your father infront of his fiancee's daughter and his entire family in the middle of a resteraunt?

What the fuck is wrong with you?

He's clearly a messed up guy, but you should be discussing that in private with Debbie or whoever else is concerned. Bringing him out to publically bash him is probably the worst thing I can possibly think of in terms of solving problems.




He doesn't need to feel any worse!

It was unfair to be leading Debbie on like that and it's nice that the TS was looking out for her, despite 'humiliating' his Father.

His Father needs to learn for real that he can't keep treating people like this.

It sounds like going back to rehab or some sort of therapy would do him good.

It might help to talk to your Father to make sure he knows that you love him.
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#38
You should have told your dad to tell her, or that you will.
And then tell Debbie in private about that if your dad doesn't agree.

I feel sorry for your dad . Poor man .

But you did what you thought that was right for everyone. Don't feel bad,
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#39
You did it wrong. Imagine your father saying everything bad about you to your girlfriend/fiance right in front of you.
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#40
Quote by skagitup
I wouldn't want to find out in the middle of a resteraunt infront of my daughter, no. Infact, I think that would probably be one of the worst things I can imagine happening to me in terms of sheer humiliation.


It would be better to find out early regardless of what you are doing. It is better to know you are in a fruitless relationship then to find out years down the track that all your feelings and all the things you did for your spouse were inane and all for nothing.

Peeling the bandage off quickly is normally less painful.

As for the TS's dad, sure he is a sad sight but you have to knock some sense of reality into him. You reap what you sow, no question about it.
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