#1
I wrote this for a band I'm in right now...it's only the first half

Lyrics are there, just click the button. Vocals are being played on a clean guitar with a chorus effect added on, which is inadmissable because UG's mp3 player took a bit of my mix away.

Tell me what you think...
-originality
-tone
-rhythm
-mix
-good amount of action going on at once (not too much, vice versa)
-lyrics
-is it worth continuing upon?

I am going to write more lyrics, and add a heavier bridge, more along the lines of thrash even though this is a punk song. And then add a guitar solo before the ending chorus.



CHECK IT OUT!?


*sorry for forgetting to post the link
Last edited by dudey5691 at Mar 3, 2008,
#2
yo sick dude, some of the lead guitar is alittle repetitive, but ther over all feel of it is really sick, reminds me of pop punk from back in the day
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#3
ok criting as i listen,
quite a lot of background noise in this one, try a better mic, next time you record or use a noise remover (soundforge has a good one)
playing wise, a few notes went wrong at the start, but some cool stuff. the second main part sounds like the timing is maybe a bit off, sounds a little strange. needs a more clearly defined beat to follow. a bit too much going on i think.
guitar tonewise, needs a bit more sustain. and i didnt really think much of the "plucky" guitar part, notes are alright just not really the sound.

so some neat stuff, main points to fix is the recording hiss, add a prominent rhythm section, hold those notes a bit longer. not bad.

Listen to my stuff? this is the newest oneGet Bent! (metal) or this acoustic one Blueberry Acoustic thanks!
#4
yo sick dude, some of the lead guitar is alittle repetitive, but ther over all feel of it is really sick, reminds me of pop punk from back in the day


Thanks

ok criting as i listen,
quite a lot of background noise in this one, try a better mic, next time you record or use a noise remover (soundforge has a good one)
playing wise, a few notes went wrong at the start, but some cool stuff. the second main part sounds like the timing is maybe a bit off, sounds a little strange. needs a more clearly defined beat to follow. a bit too much going on i think.
guitar tonewise, needs a bit more sustain. and i didnt really think much of the "plucky" guitar part, notes are alright just not really the sound.

so some neat stuff, main points to fix is the recording hiss, add a prominent rhythm section, hold those notes a bit longer. not bad.


Thanks!

Yes, I forgot to mention that I use a $10 computer mic That may be the reason for some of that hiss you mentioned. And I use Cool Edit Pro 2.1, and I didn't really check for one...

I'm not the greatest with the metronome, but I think the whole strange part during the verse was with the fact that for some reason the "vocals" (which was the clean guitar) got compressed into blending with the backing overdriven guitars. It sounds like ****, I know...but that's also why it's a temporary file.
#6
The lyrics are fine and so is the vocal melody for the song.
Chord Progression is a bit predictable of punk music also it's a bit messy in the mix. I think it just needs another going over - start smoothing it out. The bass is ok. The tone wasn't bad ata ll - The rhythm tone was good for punk.

There some good ideas in this for sure.

Get a new mic and complete it up and it'll be alot better.
Flap it and enjoy yourself...

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#7
Definately need a new mic, i like the overall idea, work on smoothing things out though, it doesn't quite flow in some areas and the bass parts... i really did not like them just my opinion though, for as short as the song is, it has great push behind it and i would love to hear a complete version of the song with drums and some better quality mixing and guitar tone, good job though!


Yeah, I was going to buy a Shure vocal/instrument mic once I get the money. Right now, I don't have any though
I'm working on the bridge after my homework, and that should be a bit better. Also, complete remix.

The lyrics are fine and so is the vocal melody for the song.
Chord Progression is a bit predictable of punk music also it's a bit messy in the mix. I think it just needs another going over - start smoothing it out. The bass is ok. The tone wasn't bad ata ll - The rhythm tone was good for punk.

There some good ideas in this for sure.

Get a new mic and complete it up and it'll be alot better.


Thanks, as I mentioned...complete remix coming up soon! *hopefully full song
#8
The only thing I found is that some parts of the song sounded a little sloppy, not sure if it was the timing or the guitar's tone that made it sound like that, but overall it's pretty good. Not my kinda music, but pretty good.
#9
Quote by JP_YM_ZW
The only thing I found is that some parts of the song sounded a little sloppy, not sure if it was the timing or the guitar's tone that made it sound like that, but overall it's pretty good. Not my kinda music, but pretty good.


everyone who's critqued it has said that they have heard "sloppiness" or "too much", and I'm assuming that it's the verse...

I listened to it again, and realized the lead part was on time the first two riffs...then was behind after that

I'm going to fix it, remix it, and try to record vocals with a piano/MIDI instead of guitar. I think that will clear up the mix a bit more, not entirely sure though.

*and I'm not really into punk/pop-punk either...I'm really just doing this to try and get the band that I rejoined to get their act together and get serious, which they said they would be...but it's turning out the same as it did before.
#10
Well it's not exactly a genre that I listen to alot or know much about, so I'll do the best I can. The mix it was recording with isn't of great quality but I'm sure you know that. Like the first riff a lot, very catchy. I wish there was a bass to give it bottom end and drums to fill the sound. Really cool ideas, and could be a good song if drums and bass are added.
#11
Quote by valhallananaimo
Well it's not exactly a genre that I listen to alot or know much about, so I'll do the best I can. The mix it was recording with isn't of great quality but I'm sure you know that. Like the first riff a lot, very catchy. I wish there was a bass to give it bottom end and drums to fill the sound. Really cool ideas, and could be a good song if drums and bass are added.


Thanks!

Yeah, my recordings are ****
I'm in the market for a drum sequencer, so when I get that...things will be a bit better in the "filling sound".