#1
I remember that one rainy night
You and your friend had a big fight
You came up to me and said:
Hey I think you're-ah pretty al'right

I said:
I don't know know who you are
I was confused, one could say from far
I hadn't been in love for such a long time

You swept my feet right off at the first look
I thought I was on fire
I thought there had to be a trap, a hook
I hope you´re not a liar

(kertosäe?)
So your dark hair disappeared into the night
I thought i'd never see you,
but hey, I was surprized
You came up to me and smiled at me
I never knew how happy I could be

I remember that first night
It was just the two of us
The night was cold but you were warm
Nothing could come in between us!
#2
Quote by mpalin
I remember that one rainy night
You and your friend had a big fight
You came up to me and said:
Hey I think you're-ah pretty al'right

Most generic opening verse imaginable, spice it up a little man!

I said:
I don't know know who you are
I was confused, one could say from far This makes no sense, forced ryme. not good!
I hadn't been in love for such a long time

You swept my feet right off at the first look
I thought I was on fire
I thought there had to be a trap, a hook
I hope you´re not a liar

Again a very generic stanza. Its almost as if youve taken as song and tried to simplify all the meanings in it.

(kertosäe?)
So your dark hair disappeared into the night
I do actually like the dark hair thing, its nice.
I thought i'd never see you,
but hey, I was surprized
You came up to me and smiled at me
I never knew how happy I could be

I remember that first night
It was just the two of us
The night was cold but you were warm
Nothing could come in between us!
Sorry but thats just a terrible ending. Less than generic, it just sounds like the opening of another song. Just every line seems to be a cliche, lines that have been used in so many songs before


Yeh all i can say really is just very, very generic.
Such a lack of meaning and emotion.
Maybe it is good to keep it simplistic, but i feel this is overly in that direction.

Feel free to crit my latest if you have time:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=802144
#3
yeah id have to say i completley agree with that guy the words are to basic for one thing, making it seem very simple making it sorry to sound lke im repeating the guy above me but it does sound emotionless