#1
I was bored and so i decided to post one of my songs, i don't know if it's any good or not . If it's horrible then i am sorry i wasted your time lol. One note before you read...try to visualize it in your head and it's meant to be like screaming with some singing at certain parts..around stuff like Atreyu and As I Lay Dying if that helps any .


When The Red Rose Withers To A Shadow


Here
in the soft decay of the morgue
a new name added to the enrollment by the squeaking wheels pushing me across the floor
I can already feel the welcoming gaze
of eyes set beside me
after I breathe my silent sigh
a new place to call home in my reapers room
I'm alive
but my body doesn’t seem to know it
I’m alive
but I've got no vital signs to show it
I’m alive
but I’ve got no way to prove it
I’m alive to be here on the day
when the red rose withers to a shadow
here
the next day
I can see you
with my eyes closed shut
studying the perfected scar that was meant to end me years ago
I can hear that your heart beat got faster
even though my ears are severed across the floor
and all you do is think of the myths you let yourself believe in
that you killed me long ago
and I wish that I could tell you that I’m not as I seem
but my words will not speak beyond these sutured lips
I’m alive
but my body doesn’t seem to know it
I’m alive
but I’ve got no vital signs to show it
I’m alive
but I’ve got no way to prove it
I’m alive to be here on the day
when the red rose withers to a shadow
here
today in the black and white cemetery
is the day
when the red rose withers to a shadow
and the black clouds will blanket the skies as they fall to the ground
shouting out the end to us all
today
I’m attending my own funeral
as I’m being lowered beneath the earth
by my own reaper
I’m alive
but my body doesn’t seem to know it
I’m alive
but I’ve got no vital signs to show it
I’m alive
but I’ve got no way to prove it
I’m alive to be here today
when the red rose withers to a shadow
shouting out the end to us all

I don't really write lyrics very much, just something i do every once in a while. a lot of people that i show my lyrics to say i write them differently or something and that they are like stories, and this song probably confused you maybe or it's not really understandable but if you think you know what it is about then go ahead and give it a shot . But if you want me to, I'll explain the song.
Last edited by Sladin at Mar 3, 2008,
#2
well i thnk that your lyrics are very good...
maybe jus a lil unorganized maybe try to seperate it into verses, choruses, breakdowns, etc. i would use the

I'm alive
but my body doesn’t seem to know it
I’m alive
but I've got no vital signs to show it
I’m alive
but I’ve got no way to prove it
I’m alive to be here on the day
when the red rose withers to a shadow

as the chorus
and then maybe try to come up with a breakdown part for:
here
today in the black and white cemetery
is the day
when the red rose withers to a shadow
and the black clouds will blanket the skies as they fall to the ground
shouting out the end to us all
today
I’m attending my own funeral
as I’m being lowered beneath the earth
by my own reaper

and use the rest of the song as verses
thats how i write and how i would arrange your song
idk if thats any help to why your songs may be a lil hard to understand but o well
i still really like it