#1
I wrote the music for this song on the piano after hearing "Red, White and Blue" by Alex Fontaine (aka skagitup) and I tried to emmulate the atmosphere and feel. The lyrics I wrote later and I think they're some of my best.

Tonight

Turn the lights down,
Embrace the night.
Don’t have to make a sound girl,
Everything will be alright.

Nobody’s sleeping tonight,
So come and rest your bones with me tonight.

Come and lay down,
Rest your tired eyes.
Tell all your troubles to me,
It will be alright.

Everybody’s crying tonight,
So come and rest your bones with me tonight.

Turn the lights down,
Embrace the night.
Come and lay down with me,
Rest your tired eyes.

Nobody’s sleeping tonight,
So come and rest your bones with me tonight.
Everybody’s crying tonight,
So what’s the use in trying tonight.
Nobody’s sleeping tonight,
So come and rest your bones with me tonight,
Nobody’s sleeping tonight,
Come and rest your bones with me tonight.
#2
Quote by kdownes
I wrote the music for this song on the piano after hearing "Red, White and Blue" by Alex Fontaine (aka skagitup) and I tried to emmulate the atmosphere and feel. The lyrics I wrote later and I think they're some of my best.

Tonight

Turn the lights down,
Embrace the night.
Don’t have to make a sound girl, <Don't use "girl" here, IMO. It seems uncharacteristic from the rest of the song, and confines the meaning a little. Also a cliché.>
Everything will be alright.

Nobody’s sleeping tonight,
So come and rest your bones with me tonight.

Come and lay down,
Rest your tired eyes.
Tell all your troubles to me,
It will be alright.

Everybody’s crying tonight,
So come and rest your bones with me tonight.

Turn the lights down,
Embrace the night.
Come and lay down with me,
Rest your tired eyes.

Nobody’s sleeping tonight,
So come and rest your bones with me tonight.
Everybody’s crying tonight,
So what’s the use in trying tonight.
Nobody’s sleeping tonight,
So come and rest your bones with me tonight,
Nobody’s sleeping tonight,
Come and rest your bones with me tonight.


Thanks for the crit! Heres mine:

I'm not sure what you're getting at with the major repetition of "ite." I'm guessing it's something to do with that song that inspired you...I can't say anything about that.
However, I can say that you have created a nice atmosphere. Even though the lyrics seem a little shallow in meaning, it's obviously not designed to be one of those complex metaphorical pieces, so thats cool. I think you achieved what you were trying to do quite well.
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You're just another brick in the wall