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#1
So im walking home from school. Blasting Symphony X and carrying my Jackson. I see this old guy in a trench coat at my door. At first i thought he was robbing my house or something. He seemed to be busy with the door knob. So i say "excuse me what are you doing" he replies "i am inviting you to celebrate the death of Jesus Christ, Soon Jesus will rise and he will kill all the war mongerers and non believers, you are a strong believer in Jesus arent you?" Now im wearing my ...And Justice for all shirt, carrying a Jackson guitar with EMGs, and have unkept curly black hair. i dont know why hed think that. And besides im jewish (well actually im agnostic but i was raised jewish). Unfortunatly i couldnt think of anything witty and sacrilegious to say because i was tired from school and he looked armed. So i didnt say anything. He then goes on to say that there will be some survivors from the "war" and Jesus will give them eternal life. He eventually left, and left two pamhplets in between my doorknob and the doorjam. So i go in and look at the pamphlets, pretty much says everything he said. Has anyone seen people like this at their door, it was a bit creepy. i dont think he was a Jehovas Witness because it didnt say that on the pamphlet or anything.
The Mitch Clem formula
1)make jokes about rancid and NOFX (as if they dont already make fun of themselves)
2)make obvious punk puns, possibly related to food
3)make fun of Rancid and NOFX again
4)??????
5)PROFIT (and an army of internet fanboys)
#4
Reminds me of those Jehova witnesses guy's.
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#5
Sounds like the beginning of the Zombie apocalypse UG has been preparing for.

Jesus (dead man walking= zombie) will come and give eternal life (turn you into a Zombie) and kill anyone who doesn't like it (anyone with half a brain)
#7
Quote by freedoms_stain
Sounds like the beginning of the Zombie apocalypse UG has been preparing for.

Jesus (dead man walking= zombie) will come and give eternal life (turn you into a Zombie) and kill anyone who doesn't like it (anyone with half a brain)


*Takes off glasses slowly and dramatically* By George! I think he's got it...
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#9
advise him to lay of the acid
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#10
well if he's that enthusiastic about it, it must be true. can you give me one of those pamphlets?
#11
Some Christ followers have it mixed up a little bit, fortunately, true Christianity doesn't fail.
#13
Ive had those before. Me and my bro were home alone and a family of them came. We hid and belly crawled through the house so they wouldnt see us through the windows. They finally gave up and stood talking by their van for a bit while the 2 kids went and played on our jungle gym. It filled me with rage.
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#15
thats pretty creepy. just so you know, anyone who says stuff like that is not a part of the christian faith. i'd say maybe...i don't know; venusion zombies of death?
#16
I used to run into these kinda guys all the time on a night out on the town at like 1am while going from one place to another. They just invade your personal space and make you feel really uncomfortable. One time a guy was spouting bible talk at me and I said "Can you prove God is real?" he said "well yes of course, his words are in the bible" to which I replied "That was thousands of years ago, did you see God put pen to paper and write this bible or actually hear with your own ears that he said this? No all that you know is what has been passed down over thousands of years and is effectively hear-say. So I ask again, how can you prove God exists?" he said "Well it's in the bible"
At which point I left knowing I was getting nowhere. I'm not anti-religion but I just hate these guys who are adamant that there is 100% without doubt a God, when really they don't know, they just think there is and that's fine if they believe it great, good for them but not when they are thrusting it down peoples throats trying to force them into their way of thinking.

Sorry, the beer is in my system and I'm in a ranting mood.
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#17
and also, i would like to personally apologize for the way some christians seem to "force their beliefs" on you. i know i misrepresent the name of God and i'm sorry for being part of the hypocricy.
#18
You could do what I do and tell them that Satan is in control and you are his evil minion...

All in your best dying toad/black metal voice.

Add a few things like "your bowels will swell with cancer and your eyes will boil, I WILL EAT YOUR TOES FOR DINNER AND FILET YOUR SISTER'S CUNT!!!!"

Stuff like that.

...also works for Army recruiters, random salesmen, etc.
"Virtually no one who is taught Relativity continues to read the Bible."

#20
got a scanner? i think you should probably scan those pamphlets and post them.

just a thought....
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Remember through smells
Remember through colors
Remember through towns
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#21
Quote by Fuzzbox91
carrying a Jackson guitar with EMGs



Why would anyone care? Really?

Anyway, he was probably harmless, I wouldn't worry about him, I've never heard of anyone like that.

Also, learn to use paragraphs.
#22
There's a guy who stands on the corner of Yonge and Dundas (for any Toronto UGers...) and yells "PRAISE JESUS" all the time, giving out pamphlets. He scares the shit out of me, because he's so damn loud and waits til you're beside him. He's there pretty much every day too.
#23
Harmless? I wouldn't think so. He really does seem odd, and he didn't attack you but seriously cross his path and morons like him would probably attack you cuz ur nut a gud christn lololol.

No offense to christians, I just like to make fun of the extremists.


Quote by SurfinWithSatch
I used to run into these kinda guys all the time on a night out on the town at like 1am while going from one place to another. They just invade your personal space and make you feel really uncomfortable. One time a guy was spouting bible talk at me and I said "Can you prove God is real?" he said "well yes of course, his words are in the bible" to which I replied "That was thousands of years ago, did you see God put pen to paper and write this bible or actually hear with your own ears that he said this? No all that you know is what has been passed down over thousands of years and is effectively hear-say. So I ask again, how can you prove God exists?" he said "Well it's in the bible"
At which point I left knowing I was getting nowhere. I'm not anti-religion but I just hate these guys who are adamant that there is 100% without doubt a God, when really they don't know, they just think there is and that's fine if they believe it great, good for them but not when they are thrusting it down peoples throats trying to force them into their way of thinking.

Sorry, the beer is in my system and I'm in a ranting mood.


Bah, he was just trolling. You should've reported him and left
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#24
There's a guy who stands on the corner of Yonge and Dundas (for any Toronto UGers...) and yells "PRAISE JESUS" all the time, giving out pamphlets. He scares the shit out of me, because he's so damn loud and waits til you're beside him. He's there pretty much every day too.
I think the moral of the story with these kind of guys is - everyone needs a hobby. We all have guitar, they have shouting religious stuff at their lungs.
Gear:
Epiphone SG Standard - Natural Wood Finish + SD Alnico Pro 2 Bridge Pickup
Epiphone Les Paul Standard - Limited Edition Green
Ibanez S470
Blackstar HT-100 Head
Harley Benton 2x12 Vintage 30's
Vox AC4TV
Vox VT15
#25
Quote by Kensai
Bah, he was just trolling. You should've reported him and left

Gear:
Epiphone SG Standard - Natural Wood Finish + SD Alnico Pro 2 Bridge Pickup
Epiphone Les Paul Standard - Limited Edition Green
Ibanez S470
Blackstar HT-100 Head
Harley Benton 2x12 Vintage 30's
Vox AC4TV
Vox VT15
#26
Probably Mormon. what he said sounds more like a Mormon,and if it was a nice trench coat that really enforces the idea that he's Mormon.
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#27
Quote by Kensai
Harmless? I wouldn't think so. He really does seem odd, and he didn't attack you but seriously cross his path and morons like him would probably attack you cuz ur nut a gud christn lololol.

No offense to christians, I just like to make fun of the extremists.


Bah, he was just trolling. You should've reported him and left

Don't worry, some Christians(includig me) are amused by extremists too. Or it may just be me.
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If I was Santa you'd all get shit for Christmas.
#29
Theres this smelly old dude who likes to hang around University Avenue in Glasgow near the library, he's got this self made banner backpack thing that has changeable banners so he can tell us:

"repent"

"Jesus saves"

"sinning is bad"

and whatever
#30
The only thing I could think of through the whole story was "What Symphony X song?"
"That Hidde's a cool guy" -Abe Lincoln
"Hidde? Yeah we jam all the time" -Steve Vai
"Remember that time when burt jumped out of the tree and into the river? Good times!" -Jesus

So I heard you liek profiles?
#31
once i get my hands on as scanner (tommorow) ill post the pamphlets
The Mitch Clem formula
1)make jokes about rancid and NOFX (as if they dont already make fun of themselves)
2)make obvious punk puns, possibly related to food
3)make fun of Rancid and NOFX again
4)??????
5)PROFIT (and an army of internet fanboys)
#32
... Because EMGs are Jacksons are far too br00tal for Christians...
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#33
Quote by We'realltoBlame
Don't worry, some Christians(includig me) are amused by extremists too. Or it may just be me.


You're not alone.
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#34
Quote by freedoms_stain
Theres this smelly old dude who likes to hang around University Avenue in Glasgow near the library, he's got this self made banner backpack thing that has changeable banners so he can tell us:

"repent"

"Jesus saves"

"sinning is bad"

and whatever



Sinning is bad?

You should compliment the old man for his deductive excellence.
#35
so having a rock band t-shirt, a metal-style guitar, and long dark hair means you're not a believer in jesus?

i really need to look into changing my appearance/instrument. i must be confusing the hell out of everyone.
#36
[quote="'Tommy[fin"]'] Sinning is bad?

You should compliment the old man for his deductive excellence.
He makes it up in his handwriting.
#37
i don't get the jehovah's witnesses (possibly offensive--> if they really are the true faith why do they need the door to door guys? you'd think it would get spread around that they are right.

by the way I'm christian
#38
lol. "he looked armed" why are religious people so damn crazy?
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#39
i was a catholic last year lol. i decided to be agnostic a few months ago.

the catholic priests always knock at your door asking for money. its like what the hell shut up.
#40
Quote by freedoms_stain
Sounds like the beginning of the Zombie apocalypse UG has been preparing for.

Jesus (dead man walking= zombie) will come and give eternal life (turn you into a Zombie) and kill anyone who doesn't like it (anyone with half a brain)


Most of UG is screwed then.
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