#1
This is an unfinished piece that I've been working on. Let me know what you think .

Fall in line

The doughboys come to town
In senseless madness their lives drown
Counting the blessings and tearing the wounds
Nowhere to hide to nothing more then death’s ill faded tune
Bite the bullet and beat the flame
No one to come home to nothing will be the same

Fall in line
One by one they all fall down
Fall in line
Their marching souls trudge to die
Fall in line
Their beating hearts cease to fire
Fall in line
Their lives now expired

Fear and hatred pump through their veins
Rank and file the fiends spew their vile
Never fall back and never surrender
Hold fast, the hour of end is near

Another corpse dug deeper
Another bullet meets the eye
A call to civility amongst the madness
Hearing artillery playing its tune

Fall in Line
One by one they all fall down
Fall in line
Thier marching souls trudge to die
Fall in line
Thier beating hearts cease to fire
Fall in line
Thier lives now expired
#2
Alright I liked it some, the chorus reminds me a bit of Dave Mathews Band's marching ants song, and i really liked the "Hearing artillary playing its tune" cool line for sure
just watch your cliches, such as, drown, counting blessings, and senseless madness, its just a little plain. Only other thing was , "another bullet meets the eye" bullet doesnt fit, try revising it with a word like lead, shard, metal, idk just a thought, i also enjoyed "bite the bullet beat the flame" there was a good use of illiteration!

if you can throw me some thoughts on one of mine-- https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=804005