#1
Ok, this is my latest song. It needs a lot of work and is nowhere near completion yet, but i've hit a brick wall as to how I can improve what's already been written... All crits will be greatly appreciated. C4C.

Heaven is a dive bar

The world was your oyster but it has gone bad
Reflecting disappointments you’ve had in the past
You can drink all you want once you pay up your tab
God is a bailiff, he’ll take all you have
Resistance is futile, he’ll take more than that

If your body’s a temple then I am it’s priest
An atheist who christened your tender far reach
Now you’ll drink the knowledge and with it grow strong
And you’ve finally found a place to belong

A book of tall tales, a stereo’s reach
Using these tools the holy predators preach
Faith is a barstool, it’s missing a leg
Heaven’s a dive bar where all hope is left

God’s minions run riot in the whitehouse today
A holy communion or an impossible lie?
While the ministers preach the warmongers prey
So terribly pious, so horrifically holy
Innocent blood seeps from the bibles they clasp
Fighting a war to keep the peace?
The irony’s clear so it’s not lost on me

Our leaders are just bitches on strings
Dancing around as the church commands
Religion excuses these unholy stings
Freedom has left this ignorant land
A curtain of evil screens secretive truth
Cast from the shadows by a malicious hand
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth
Revenge is taken at the citizen’s expense
Hypocrisy screams at the worshipping mass
Who was it that said
Turn the other cheek?
#2
Well i have a small crit, but to be honest theres not alot to say, The crit is .... chorus? Wheres the hook...

I love it cos your slagging off pretty much the whole damn world which is awesome! Youve just said everything i have ever thought about God or politics.....I have a smug agreing look after reading this.

Last line is awesome....
Im picking up alot of sarcasm lol.....

Wasnt keen on (and was reluctant to read because of) the first line....
I would change that so that it urges you to read on.....

Other than that was quite humourous and damn well true....