I hope you enjoy it crit4crit


"Take a pen and paint this wall,
in front of me,
paint it yellow and make it shine,
luckily I'm color-blind.

Take a pen and paint the sky,
high above me,
paint it blue, I thank you for being kind,
but luckily I'm color-blind.

Take a pen and re-do Mona Lisa,
in the Louvre,
paint it black and kill her smile,
but sadly I am color-blind.

Take a pen and paint myself,
on the floor,
paint me red, I'll laugh at this sight,
all of you've been color-blind."

so far
Last edited by OldNo[7]Brand( at Mar 6, 2008,
I advise not demanding crits from people. If you want crits, you may want to crit the work of ohers for a returned favour.


This is good. I liked the colour change in every stanza; the colours fit well with what the poem was meant to make you visualize. I also liked the rewording of the last phrase of each sentence with "colour-blind". I'm in class but I will try to give this a better crit sometime...although I've said what I think needs to be said.
I really enjoyed it, it flows well, and was quite simple. Reall liked it. Can you crit mine, "One vs. None" thanks
Thx for your reviews ty especially bleed away for that nice comment pm me if u got a new piece of yours!