#1
I hope you enjoy it crit4crit

Color-Blind

"Take a pen and paint this wall,
in front of me,
paint it yellow and make it shine,
luckily I'm color-blind.

Take a pen and paint the sky,
high above me,
paint it blue, I thank you for being kind,
but luckily I'm color-blind.

Take a pen and re-do Mona Lisa,
in the Louvre,
paint it black and kill her smile,
but sadly I am color-blind.

Take a pen and paint myself,
on the floor,
paint me red, I'll laugh at this sight,
all of you've been color-blind."

so far
Last edited by OldNo[7]Brand( at Mar 6, 2008,
#3
I advise not demanding crits from people. If you want crits, you may want to crit the work of ohers for a returned favour.

Now...

This is good. I liked the colour change in every stanza; the colours fit well with what the poem was meant to make you visualize. I also liked the rewording of the last phrase of each sentence with "colour-blind". I'm in class but I will try to give this a better crit sometime...although I've said what I think needs to be said.
#5
I really enjoyed it, it flows well, and was quite simple. Reall liked it. Can you crit mine, "One vs. None" thanks
#6
Thx for your reviews ty especially bleed away for that nice comment pm me if u got a new piece of yours!