#1
A poem i wrote, I'm considering making it into a song later maybe. C4C


A grand dose
Of all I ever wanted
Ignorant bliss, and the best of friends

Let me take you away from
All that you know
Follow the setting sun
And away we go

You and I both know
that life’s not always fair
I do my best to carry that weight
But I won’t always be there.

Escape from the day babe
Just to see things my way
Step into another’s shoes
And see how they can sing the blues

Forever is a long time but,
I know that I can make it
With handy help here by my side
I’m glad that I won’t fake it

Too close
Too close
Too far away
The end is nigh
It was yesterday.
Quote by sickman411
S-Gsus wept
#2
Quote by S-Gsus
A poem i wrote, I'm considering making it into a song later maybe. C4C


A grand dose
Of all I ever wanted
Ignorant bliss, and the best of friends

Brilliant. Very simple but important.

Let me take you away from
All that you know
Follow the setting sun
And away we go

The first two lines are very nice, simple again. But the following two lines could maybe be improved. I see what you are doing by keeping it simple but maybe it could be altered ever so slightly.

You and I both know
that life’s not always fair
I do my best to carry that weight
But I won’t always be there.

Once again, the same comment as above. The last two lines are effective but the first, not so much so.

Escape from the day babe
Just to see things my way
Step into another’s shoes
And see how they can sing the blues

First two lines are great. Emotion is thriving in there for sure. I don't like the next two. Very few people can pull off using the word "blues" in their stuff correctly and without sounding cliched.


Forever is a long time but,
I know that I can make it
With handy help here by my side
I’m glad that I won’t fake it

Alliteration is evident here, but its not the best use of it. Its the only time I recognized it and if you do it once...do it really well. The last line is great, very quotable and singable.

Too close
Too close
Too far away
The end is nigh
It was yesterday.


Very simple but flowing and flowery. But not in a pretentious, poetical pathetic way. More of a simple way to sing out the ending to something very nice.

This is better suited as a song I predict.

I really enjoyed it. I loved the simpleness especially. Just my style.