#1
So this is like a big follow on from the last song, or not...
But its based on a similar happening, I dont know why But Im writing alot about death at the moment.
I'll have to write about something else next time around.
Lets hope my second song matches up to my first.

Breathing Rain

It’s not the pounding on my window that’s keeping me awake,
It’s only that it’s just too much believing my mistakes,
Its becoming very late at night and I still haven’t slept,
So I sink my head into my hands trying hard to forget.

I breathe in the rain,
I think I’ve lost my mind,
I breathe in the rain,
Why did I get left behind?

As the night begins to wake I wish I’d disappear.
The freezing air is drying out and my pillow is soaked in tears.
I take myself down the stairs scratching at my skin,
Step out the door into the cold and begin to breathe it in.

I breathe in the rain,
And let it fill my lungs.
I breathe in the rain,
Why wasn’t I the one?

Its hard to know just what to say when everyone’s dressed in black,
I lay my flowers by your side and say ‘when will you come back?’
Now as the night begins to fade I’m lying on the ground,
Not another word is said as silence dances around.

I breathe in the rain,
I think I’ve lost my mind,
I breathe in the rain,
Why did I get left behind?

(Bridge)

(Chorus on climax)
I breathe in the rain,
And let it fill my lungs.
I breathe in the rain,
Why wasn’t I the one? Echoes underneath
I breathe in the rain, ( Why wasn’t I the one? )
I think I’ve lost my mind, ( Why wasn’t I the one? )
I breathe in the rain, ( Why wasn’t I the one? )
Why did I get left behind? ( Why wasn’t I the one? )
Last edited by Lum at Mar 9, 2008,
#2
Oh cheers, I only just noticed it was in the wrong one, was just about to change, You are one step ahead.
#3
The commas were awkwardly placed for me. The song felt a bit rushed or even forced. I prefer your previous work. Sorry, but that's the initial impression. I could re-read it, but I rather tell you what I feel at a quick glance. It didn't have an interesting twist or a unique idea, so I'm giving you a thumbs up for your good (but not special) writing style and a mediocre rating for the overall song.