#1
I dont think it's any good, i have to admit... I'm a little blocked, but this is what came out. Go ahead and pull it apart and slaughter it, i need the crits... thnx...


The Sound of Absence


Yesterday:

The sound of absence would fill my ears like ringing bells of darkness that would refuse to ever end. But the absence of sound would be unbearable. I couldn’t rest my head on the pillars of demise only to raise my voice in a hopeful agony. I couldn’t stop myself from fading away.

I would whisper, “I need to speak to You before I have to go. My shattered words are the only thing that still holds me together. I hope you’ll listen. I hope you’ll understand…”

Today:

One at a time.

One at a time, every word I’ve ever spoken breaks off into an empty whole in time. (I need you to understand my words.) One at a time, every word that has ever rhymed becomes meaningless. (I need you to accept my language.) One at a time, every fervent emotion that has ever burned inside my chest fades into the vacant void of silent voices. Silent melodies. Silent dreams. Silent endings.

One at a time. We’ll all fall down.

I tell you, “You need to listen so you can understand.” But I say nothing more.

I just hope you understood.

Tomorrow:

“…”

I'll have nothing left to say.
#2



The Sound of Absence


Yesterday:

The sound of absence would fill my ears like ringing bells of darkness that would refuse to ever end. But the absence of sound would be unbearable. I couldn’t rest my head on the pillars of demise only to raise my voice in a hopeful agony. I couldn’t stop myself from fading away.

There was a lot of over-used vocabs here that wasn't executed in your favor; 'darkness' 'unvearable' 'agony'. 'Pillars of demise' was great. But overall i wasn't really filling what you'd to say.

I would whisper, “I need to speak to You before I have to go. My shattered words are the only thing that still holds me together. I hope you’ll listen. I hope you’ll understand…”

Except for 'shatter', too noticable, i thought this was good.
Today:

One at a time.

One at a time, every word I’ve ever spoken breaks off into an empty whole in time. (I need you to understand my words.) One at a time, every word that has ever rhymed becomes meaningless. (I need you to accept my language.) One at a time, every fervent emotion that has ever burned inside my chest fades into the vacant void of silent voices. Silent melodies. Silent dreams. Silent endings.

Meh this was too cliche. I know what you're trying to say, this should be obvious by now, but it wasn't done in an intelligient way or at least as intelligient as you would want it.

One at a time. We’ll all fall down.

I tell you, “You need to listen so you can understand.” But I say nothing more.

I just hope you understood.

Tomorrow:

“…”
I'll have nothing left to say.


'But i say nothing more' wasn't phrased properly. This was a mild 'stanza'(?)




I'm sorry to hear that you've the blocks. I've no real suggestion on how to prevent it. I suggest you go and read or do what ever made you want to write in the first place.

PS: Can you please have a look at 'Bigger part three'. That would be appreciated.