#1
I was playing some In Flames on my bass (in C F Bb Eb) and struck a C5 chord on the top 2 strings, then kept going up and down and finding what sounded good. After about 30 minutes of work or so, I came up with this.

Otherwise, enjoy and if you want me to, show me one of your songs and I'll comment. Doesn't necessarily need to be punk, I'm open to reviewing metal and rock songs too. ^_^

Thanks a lot guys!
Possum

EDIT: Latest version is "Breaking Out of Hell", "punx 2 da max yo!" was a rough, short and outdated version.
EDIT2: Lyrics are located here!
Attachments:
punx 2 da max yo!.zip
Breaking Out of Hell.zip
Last edited by OrangePossum at Mar 10, 2008,
#2
first off
thank you for putting it in gp

the good
-punk rock with key =D
-nice and short likeit should be
-great sound to it
-fit together rather well

the bad
-some chords sounded hard
-mabey put a little more in so your at like the 2 min range at least
-this looks great for a solo to go over it, and punk rock solos are easy to write

the wtf
-nothing really in this

overall id say
some great work youve got
sounds nice
just make it a little longer
9/10
pretty sweet job


c4c?link in sig
Quote by metul kult
You know when Attack Attack is ripping off your music, you're onto something


twitter: @victorstaygold
#3
Thanks a lot, I'm about to start putting some of the stuff you said into action.

Quick question, what did you mean by the chords sounding hard? They just didn't seem to fit in or... what? That's the only thing I'm concerned about.
#4
The 5 on the A string and 7 on the D string don't make a good power chord for the key sig, I just doesn't sound right. That's what he means I believe.
#5
Good;
- Intro is catchy *To me anyways*. Good chord useage.
- The keychange in the chorus gives it an almost sinister, sort of evil sound there.

Bad;
- No Drums ):
- The outro wasn't that appealing to me. Although I DO like the last bar. The way you ended it with the sort of Staccato-ed power chord.

Crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=808041
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
#6
Quote by xxCHANCExx
The 5 on the A string and 7 on the D string don't make a good power chord for the key sig, I just doesn't sound right. That's what he means I believe.

It sounded right to me imo, but I'll try finding something to better fit it.

But thanks for the other comments guys.

Just to update, I renamed the song "Breaking Out of Hell" and added a basic drum track (there you go Carl ) to accompany it, then extended it by about 30 seconds total. The MIDI is exported from the GP5 file, so if you really want to hear the drums and don't have GP then listen to it and follow with power tab or something.

I also managed to fix the musical direction problem in GP by removing them and just inserting the verse in again, so both files are the same length.

- Possum

edit: luckily no one saw the changes in the new version and i was able to make some more without having to force some people to come check out version 3.

so, breaking out of hell is the latest with some more parts. it's officially 2:01 in length. lyrics will be posted in Songwriting and Lyrics and linked to from here.
Last edited by OrangePossum at Mar 10, 2008,
#8
well, it's a good start. but I really think you can do alot more.

for example.
1. 8 eighth note measures almost throughout the song. I'm guilty of that too sometimes, but you can do so much better.
2. solo was weak. would you be proud of playing that solo? give it some more. the song deserves it.
3. key change was iffy...I'm sure it would sound much better with vocals.
4. give it some variation. not every verse has to be the same. add in some extra lead lines in certain places. itll sound cool.

otherwise, it was pretty cool.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
#9
like it a lot better now that you refixed it

that solo is kinda "eh" though
but great job now
just study up on your soloing a bit
Quote by metul kult
You know when Attack Attack is ripping off your music, you're onto something


twitter: @victorstaygold
#10
The choruses are good, but if the verses were reworked some it would give the chorus a better impact. They're a little too similar right now, and although I'm sure it'd be much better with vocals, it gets a bit repetitive with verse/chorus/verse/chorus/verse/chorus. Basically it just needs a few things spiced up or added in to give it more variety and keep the listener's attention. I like the solo, but if you build off it and work your way into the higher notes it would really shine. Crit for crit?
Oh Shit!
#11
Seriosly dude, you got like 4 bars reapeted through 2 mins with one place where you move those 4 bars up a half step. The verse and the chorus was basicly the same thing.
Please make some new riffs and maybe break up that constant 8th note thing you got going.
And for the solo, Make another backing track, dont just use the chorus. And it would also help if you add some bends/vibrato, and move a little around the neck. this is a hardcore copy and past tune, and thats not good.
The riffs them self was quite catchy and good, but since they are so alike, and overused. They get freakin boring, and that ofcorse results in ruining the whole tune.

c4c, my latest (in sig).