#1
This song needs to be revised. But thats why I'm posting it on here, to get some better ideas on exactly how to do it.

as i watch the world burn down
the questions surface
how much longer can i survive?
as the flames rise
the smoke fills my eyes

i break the surface for one last time
somehow i see through lifes lies
my lungs fill, now i see the sky
and the light floods my vision
now through open eyes

Chorus:

i realize
how i've sank so very far
how we've grown so much apart
the sky meets my eyes
it gently shows me
all i left behind

now i hold no illusions
so many other places ive been
yet all to one destination
like everyday in a life
counting down to execution

you knew what i would become
you know what my mistakes have done
and now that i've gained new vision
i cover my eyes
such a failure
such a disfigured life

Bridge:

now in the midst
of a world up in smoke
my deformities revert
and now the fears of failure
completely shatter
bring back what matters
cure these phobias forever

i open my eyes
the flames are gone
and i see the sky

it seems empty now that you're here

you knew what i would become
you know what my mistakes have done
yet your love for me
betrays all failures
it is unending

And just to clarify the meaning a bit, its a song from the Christian perspective.
We're only strays.
#2
Nice title.

My only criticism would be that it lacks anything particularly unique. It's roughly the end of the world... from a Christian perspective.

And you should have clarified the perspective from the song itself. If you could imply it from the song, it would have made it stronger and proven your ability as a songwriter. Or poet, for that matter. Keep on writing, mate.
#3
Quote by Time Seller

And you should have clarified the perspective from the song itself. If you could imply it from the song, it would have made it stronger and proven your ability as a songwriter. Or poet, for that matter. Keep on writing, mate.


Good point dude, I dunno why I didn't think of that, heh.
We're only strays.