#1
Maybe I expected too much,
A family, A home, An Alcoholic to boot.
The paper says theres a meeting downtown
for people like me;
narcissistic.
I can imagine how fun that room would be.
I should go,
I would go,
if it was within walking distance,
because then I wouldn't
have to get in my truck and hear
my blow-up girlfriends God awful elton john cd.
All that does is make me want to fight,
and fighting makes me want to fuck,
which just gets me tired.
Leaving that moving target frozen,
And easy to hit with a "lazy" dart.
My Father likes to throw those.
#2
Sounds like a country song.
Quote by death101
ok heres the very sad deal i was wondering if there was any girls who love guitar and music
on here who live in california who are willing to go out with me
#3
can you imagine the word "narcissistic" in a country song?
that would be a trip.
#5
Quote by bluesybilly
Maybe I expected too much,
A family, A home, An Alcoholic to boot.


Strong start, I suppose. An alcoholic to boot?

The paper says theres a meeting downtown
for people like me;
narcissistic.


I hate that word, to be honest. Narcissistic. It reads ugly, looks ugly and has an ugly meaning. It was used about as well as it could be here. It's probably a personal dislike, and that's fine, but it's just such a bland way to say that you're a son-of-a-bitch!

I can imagine how fun that room would be.
I should go,
I would go,


Awful repitition. Bland. Boring. Cliche.

if it was within walking distance,
because then I wouldn't
have to get in my truck and hear
my blow-up girlfriends God awful elton john cd.


Loved this. But, reading back, it seems like the personality has come from nowhere. The direct reference of elton john and blow-up girlfriends kind of hurts the vagueness of the rest. i can't decide if i like it or not. With another direct reference to something at the start this could raffle up the deodorant or something. This could really sting the refrigerator.

All that does is make me want to fight,
and fighting makes me want to fuck,


first strong one liner thing that you usually throw in.


which just gets me tired.
Leaving that moving target frozen,
And easy to hit with a "lazy" dart.
My Father likes to throw those.


Beautiful end, I thought.

This was a strong piece. It just seemd to work for me even though when I tear it apart, it shouldn't. I guess it was short and simple enough to be enjoyable, despite a few things I didn't really shine to. I'd rework this or maybe just shoot a firework right into my mind and then wear denmark.