#1
starting to write about stuff that actually interests me, and I feel that it is starting to show through...


***
It was our first real big gig in the city, and to be honest, the first display of our musical crafts any of us had been able to grace a crowd of more than…well, you know. Let’s just say a thousand. The band (or as we liked to call ourselves, an ‘assembly&rsquo consisted of four intricately woven and equally important parts.

My childhood friend since college Peter (stage name ‘Squeeky Wheels&rsquo was sadly paralyzed from the ankles down at an early age from doing a handstand for a few minutes too long. Doctors mistakenly confined him to a wheelchair instead of crutches, and he himself realizing the benefits of sitting around all day and not having to do shi.t, eventually insisted that he would be unable to walk. In the time since, Squeeky has developed into one of the few masters of the wind instrument ‘the recorder’ who is older than the age of eleven.

My ex-girlfriend Tammie (stage name ‘the Blessing&rsquo has, from an early age, secretly loved the late ‘60s, early ‘70s psychedelic era, though her parents, with strict religious beliefs, insisted that the music she loved was filth, and pressed upon her to play the harp, like a lovely angel perched upon a fluffy white cloud. She later would give in, but vowed someday to forsake her parents wishes and engage in the music that she was told was the teachings of the devil. Using her college bond money after graduating high school, Tammie took her massive harp to the Fender Guitar Company, and within two months they had converted it into the ultimate ‘shredding’ machine that could plug into all the pedals, amps, and speakers you’d ever want a harp to be associated with. It really was a gift from god.

My eclectic younger brother Joey (stage name ‘King Kong&rsquo has been able to kick my ass since he was the age of six, mostly because he loved to beat on shi.t, and I just happened to get in the way. He played drums in a variety of garage bands throughout his teens, but became frustrated with the amount of attention the ‘ladies’ gave the singer or the lead guitarist. Racking his brain at all hours of the night with his drum sticks, he eventually came up with a solution to his female woes; ‘lead percussion’. This revolutionary idea basically consisted of a body suit of a variety of drums. While one was on each knee, ass cheek, and pectoral, another was on-top of the head, over the belly, and covering the junk. With this unusual arrangement, it allowed Joey to free himself of the confinement and lonely solitude the standard drum kit for so long had provided. He now saw the endless opportunities to express himself and engage with the crowd right at his fingertips, and highly expected his lady problems to forever disappear. Surprisingly, they still never came.

As for me, I’m Darrell (stage name ‘don’t have one yet&rsquo and complete the rhythm section of the 'assembly' with my brother, on the up-right bass. Unfortunately, I didn’t receive the proper training as a youngster, and didn’t actually learn to play the instrument upright. It was either that, or I just didn’t want to, I can’t remember. The same guys that hooked Tammie up down at the Fender Company constructed a strap that allowed me to play it similar to your typical four string electric. ‘Why don’t you just play one of those’ you might ask. Well, I guess I just felt like I wouldn’t fit in.
Last edited by streetcarp19 at Mar 10, 2008,
#4
Quote by Jack_hertz92
And your telling us this why...?


idiot.


Wow well first, the orange is hard on the eyes!

I like where you're going with this, I find myself writing a lot of stuff along the same lines , generally consisting of me taking the best traits of former band mates and myself and making an interesting and quirky group that could have lots of adventures and what not. An interesting introduction, I'm sure it'd make for some good stories.

A few spelling errors, nothing major. Not much of a crit because i'm tired, but it's cool what you're doing.
Quote by skater dan0
...and the bassist comes up to the EQ and moves all the sliders into the typical smiley face pattern and in a really thick Jamaican accent said "you can't have de bass without de smiley face"
#6
im working on critting this right now.
a bump for now.

this was a pretty refreshing read.
you really allowed the reader to get a real sense of the characters with only minimal descriptions of them. i dont think its anything amazing yet, but this is definitely good groundwork for any sort of progression you might make with the story/characters.

not much to say.

if you could look at this, you dont need to say much
http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=809160
Last edited by rushmore at Mar 12, 2008,
#7
Thanks Menry for taking a look at this. I have a lot of avenues that I can take with this story, so I am being careful with the choices i make from here.
#8
Interesting. Not really my style but I enjoyed it. It did seem a little over the top at times, but never to the point of no return.
#10
I really like this cant wait to read more of this. Would you mind if I copy pasted this intoa word document so as you go along I can re-read when more comes out?
#11
of course you can...

and if any of you guys have any suggestions on what or where you would like to see these crazy characters do/go, then I am all ears. Still have a lot of ideas, but I a always open to ones.
#12
I think they should start off as a garage band then work their way up to being signed then first c-d then like all bands get into a scruffle and have some problems but yet somehow everything turns out right. You know that type of story the bands everyone wished they could form

is there a title?
#13
I like it.I think I'd start with a less important event that is more elaborate, interupted by introductions as each character is mentioned. Personally I'm not really into character background that much at all though, I like footnotes on the characters as I read about them. I'd probably get pissed if I picked up a novel and it started off with the ending followed by paragraph introductions of each character. It kind of reminds me of that movie garage days, but that's probably simple minded of me.

Anyway, it's cool that youre writing about something you like about, and there aren't any flaws to pick other than my opinions that i've already mentioned.
#14
haha, that was fun. the characters are all great. i would love to see them strike it big. i liked the way the characters were all introduced, although maybe some more exposition before the details would've been cool. maybe a conversation before the first paragraph? i don't know, you could take this pretty much anywhere. i would agree that it was pretty far-fetched, but in a fun way. if the actual story is as clever as the first chapter, it'll be really enjoyable to read.

i have something in my sig you can look at if you want
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