#1
In months before I was given a name,
It took you and took you away,
I never met you but I know,
I would have loved you,

In to the building and I see your name,
And I felt my heart, rose,
The sadness departs,
How much I love you it still grows,

Chorus
The love that you left it still glows,
The love that you left it still glows,
I’ll send you a prayer,
Maybe one day I’ll meet you there,

A garden laced with black stones,
Another name in an endless path,
Even if the sky breaks,
I’ll know your close by,

My heartstrings cry sweet symphonies,
As I lie staring at the wall,
See your face in the wallpaper,
And I’m wishing you were here now,
Last edited by FreedomFighter at Mar 10, 2008,
#2
Quote by FreedomFighter
In months before I was given a name,
It took you and took you away,
I never met you but I know,
I would have loved you,

A good intro. Well written and intriguing, it also flows well. I can't decide whether or not I like the repetition of "took you" in the second line, but that could just be down to personal preference anyway...

In to the building and I see your name,
And I felt my heart, rose,
The sadness departs,
How much I love you it still grows,

I like the possible double meaning of "rose". It's a solid enough stanza but it definitely doesn't stand out as brilliant.

Chorus
The love that you left it still glows,
The love that you left it still glows,
I’ll send you a prayer,
Maybe one day I’ll meet you there,

Good chorus. The rhyme scheme seems a little basic, but i'm sure you could get away with it since it does aid flow in this case. I loved the first line, it shows that you put some real emotion into writing this song.

A garden laced with black stones,
Another name in an endless path,
Even if the sky breaks,
I’ll know your close by,

This stanza is absolutely brilliant! The way you described a graveyard in the first two lines was awesome. I'm guessing that's what you were describing anyway..? This is easily the standout stanza of this song, from my point of view at least. Well done.

My heartstrings cry sweet symphonies,
As I lie staring at the wall,
See your face in the wallpaper,
And I’m wishing you were here now,

Really liked the first line, good use of imagery. This whole stanza is easy to visualise in fact, well done on that one. The last line is a good way to end the song.


I'm going to indulge in a cliche to describe what I thought of this song... Short but sweet I really liked a lot of the imagery, especially the way you described the graveyard. Nicely done. I would be really grateful if you could crit any of the songs in my sig
Gord
#3
Thank you for your critique.

I'll take into account your critism. I agree with the second stanza not being amazing. I need to improve it.

I'll be sure to critque some of your work tomorrow or the day after if that's alright? It's getting abit late. But I will for sure