#1
Shoot me

Shoot me sweet believer,

Shoot me dead.

'Cos I know that you’re the bullet for my head.

And you may not want to ever see me die,

But I know that I am,

I was,

And I forever will be,

Your dying slave.
#2
it didnt even rhyme.. just shoot me.. hahaha
Light touch my hand, in a dream of Golden Skans, from now on.
You can forget our future plans.
#3
Quote by Gizmo69
it didnt even rhyme.. just shoot me.. hahaha



youre honestly an inexperianced poet if you think everything has to rhyme. but aside from that the poem sucks, come on pick a better subject to write about or make it a little more intresting then that.
#4
Quote by tr00 punx 666
youre honestly an inexperianced poet if you think everything has to rhyme. but aside from that the poem sucks, come on pick a better subject to write about or make it a little more intresting then that.

lol.. i was making your point in a much more blunt fashion... saying that it had nothing even the fundamental rhyming style of a poem...lol.. :-)
Light touch my hand, in a dream of Golden Skans, from now on.
You can forget our future plans.
#5
i decided to make my own poem out of it

shoot me
you are my drug
life is my needle
im addicted
you are my rehab

shoot me

thats all i got out of it
#6
i believe alot of poetry is made beautiful through originality, yours is very emo and over done... find something new and exciting and then no matter what it will be amazing as it will make people see something they have always seen just never registered as interesting.. :-)
Light touch my hand, in a dream of Golden Skans, from now on.
You can forget our future plans.
#7
If you think I'm a ****ing emo, think again. I may dislike most people (I don't know you, but you are unappreciated.) this is a poem for me. Have you never been murdered by the sucking of an unfulfilled desire? It's not about that. It's about being over****ed by people caring too much. The sweet believers don't know when they love too hard, it makes things tough for the people who don't believe in anything and don't care. It's best not to try and understand someone that doesn't care if you live or die. I don't even know you, but you are nothing. Thankfully you don't want me either, so there's no problem. Nobody dies.
#8
Quote by BittertwistedZa
i decided to make my own poem out of it

shoot me
you are my drug
life is my needle
im addicted
you are my rehab

shoot me

thats all i got out of it


That's too much about you. It's as if YOU need something. Read it again, type it again, slaughter it again I don't worry, just interpret it about THEM. About the thing that frustrates you, but not because you want it, because it wants YOU. It's about you not caring enough to please THEM but caring slightly too much to ignore it all.
#9
Quote by geeetar
If you think I'm a ****ing emo, think again. I may dislike most people (I don't know you, but you are unappreciated.) this is a poem for me. Have you never been murdered by the sucking of an unfulfilled desire? It's not about that. It's about being over****ed by people caring too much. The sweet believers don't know when they love too hard, it makes things tough for the people who don't believe in anything and don't care. It's best not to try and understand someone that doesn't care if you live or die. I don't even know you, but you are nothing. Thankfully you don't want me either, so there's no problem. Nobody dies.

**** off then...
Light touch my hand, in a dream of Golden Skans, from now on.
You can forget our future plans.
#11
but know that i

will always b ur dying slave

^i think the last part should b that the last part is the only part that doesn't fit because i really flows untill the but...i am part
Just because I play the drums doesn't mean I suck at guitar, or ams that I's iz stoopidz.


Space that ain't yours
#12
damn, whats with assholes these days, huh? Anyway, i actually liked it man. You coul go into a bit more detail, but for what it is, i did like it.
i need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah.
#13
Don't think I'm taking it badly, I love the crit , I'm pretty suprised that anyone read it, I'm just trying to get across what I was thinking when I wrote it. Fairplay to everyone who hates it, I don't value your comments any more or less whether you love it or think its a piece of ****, I just don't get why people would slate the subject when they don't know what it's all about. I prefer to be ambiguous rather than explicit, but you need an open mind if you try to interpret it. But please, the harsher the crit the more fun it is to read, just don't assume it has any clichéd meanings. I leave that for my songwriting.

Love to all.