Today is Halloween. Tonight is the big dance party at the high school and you know, who's gonna have the best costume? You. No other kid in the grade could pull off being Buckethead for Halloween(OOC: I was him last year). Besides, she was going to the dance.

Oh yes....her...your hopeful future girlfriend. You and your band were to perform at the dance party tonight. Who knows, she might be impressed? Maybe someday, you two will get married

So you drive to the school, walk out of the car and notice a mudkip doll on the ground. Nothing bad, right? You pick it up, but then all of a sudden you see Josh.

Oh NO. Josh, this annoying kid at school and was the biggest freak in the grade. He loved Pokémon, yugi-oh, and just about every childish thing you could think of. He was a total loser, nobody liked him, and for some reason, YOU were the one he bothered all the time.

"OMG? IZ THAT A MUDKIPZ DOLL U HAEEVVV????" he screamed, with happiness in his eyes.
"Yeah, it is! So i herd yuo liek mudkipz..."

Josh's face turns completely red, and his creepy smile widens even farther. You are creeped out and back away slowly


"Really, cause this is a mudkip doll, I have right here," you claim happily.

All of sudden, he begins to drool a bunch. Spit is dropping from his mouth.

"Josh? What’s wrong?"

He doesn't respond...something seems fishy...and you don't like it
"SHOOP DA WHOOP!" you yell really loudly.

A huge blue blast from your mouth erupts and hits Josh square in the face. Josh flies literally into a blue truck and is knocked out.

"Oh my god. What am I going to do with the body?"

You frantically worry until you decide to throw it in the dumpster. Josh seems to be alive, just knocked out.

You walk into the dance with your Buckethead costume and see her over there at the end of the room with her friends. The slow dance is gonna start soon.

All of a sudden, this huge ass bully walks up to you as you're about to walk towards her.

"Hey Marty (OOC: That's your name in this story)! What are YOU doin' here?"

Oh no. It's Zack, the football team's defensive captain. He was a real jerk, but for some reason everyone liked him. Maybe if they weren't his friends he would eat them...He especially hated you. You got all A's...you were everything he wasn't

Before you can respond, he throws you against the turntables of the DJ. The music immediately stops and everyone is silent looking at you two.

He stands a menacing 6'2 all muscle. You are a 5'11 in good shape.
"Hey Zack, you probably shouldn't mess with me"

For some reason, Zack begins to get lifted up in the air by you. You move your hands towards the wall and Zack's head crashes into the wall. He falls down, knocked out.

Everyone is screaming and she is staring at you with a really confused look. She seems scared.

With every step you take, the crowd backs up one step away from you.

You raise your hand and lift up the turntables and impale a person with the disk through his face. Everyone screams and tries to run away. Tch. Just like they're your little toys.

As everyone runs outside, using telekinesis, you kill multiple people by telepathically choking them. Many people escape, but there are MANY corpses on the floor.

After about 30 minutes, the place is empty except for you and the corpses. You look around for her, but you can't find her anywhere.

All of a sudden, a cop runs in.

Laughing, you telepathically cut his skull open before he can react. That was fun. But now it's time to run away.
You can't stay like this. It's time to start a new life

This is you and what you have:

Black Mullet
Good shape
Buckethead costume (OOC: This slaughter you did was known as the Buckethead Genocide)
1000$ in your wallet(OOC: This is a CRAZYASS adventure, remember?)
17 years old

A portal appears in front of you.
As you walk into a portal, you leave the life behind you forever!

You are in a huge stadium, when you hear a "WELCOME!"


"Oh don't worry young man! THE GAMES HAVE JUST BEGUN!!!!!!"
With all your strength, you summon the almighty mudkip.

As the blue Pokémon looks at you down, he only has two things to say!

"MUD! KIP!" as he disappears

What could those words mean, you wonder, as nothing happens? There must be some sort of code.......Oh wait, Mudkip begins with M! M is a letter? So is T! This must be a....

"Tournament?" you ask out in the open.

"why YES! It is a tournament! And you are our first contestant!"

The crowd fills up the stadium, as they watch you in the arena.


"My name's Marty"

"Round 1 of the Tournament of Champions! Marty vs......Johnny!"

The whole crowd begins to chant "JOHNNY!" over and over again

It gets really annoying and you yell "SHUT YER ASS!" but with no avail.

A portal opens, and some punk kid your age jumps out of it. The crowd noise gets even louder...Damn...that hurts YOUR ears...

Johnny is about your height, has typical "greaser" clothes on, and overall looks like he's from the streets.

"Alright, buddy...Get ready to go down!"

Fire erupts from both his hands, as you watch in amazement. Wait there are other's like you?

"FIGHT!" the announcer screams, and then Johnny runs at you with fire all over him.
"Hey, I herd yuo liek tartlez Johnny boy...."

Johnny stops and looks at you?
"Tartlez? What the hell is a tartle?"

"Tartlez are awesome! LIKE YER MUM!"

Johnny looks angry and the crowd goes "OOHHHH!"

The flames seem to engulf him as he yells "YO MAMA FIGHT"
"aha Johnny you may have the power of FIYAH and YO MAMA jokes, but I have one thing you'll never have...a dick!"

The crowd erupts in laughter and Johnny is getting pissed.

"And to add more humiliation, I SUMMON...THE PIT of UG!!!!"

As a crowd of thousands of people run at Johnny, EPIC PHAILZ, Goatse's, and YOU RAFF YOU RUSE threads hit him square in the face.

As Johnny tries to fire off your face, he gets hit in the back by Skullbolt.

"thanks man."

Skullbolt nods his head and the rest of the Pit start corpse humping Johnny in unison. At the same time, guitarhero_764 is urinating on Johnny's face. The crowd erupts in laughter as Johnny is defeated.

"And that's the end of the first round! Johnny is defeated by Farty!"


"My bad..."

"But the games don't end yet! It's ROUND TWO! Marty vs....Mr. Hands and his horse! Now get ready to see Mr. Hands ride on on his horse into the battlefield!"

"You mean get ready to see the horse ride on Mr. Hands?"

The crowd bursts into laughter.

"Anyways...This battle takes place in Fenway Park. Anti summon fields are placed around, there is no summoning allowed."

The scenery changes. It's just you and Mr. Hands on the field.
"so Mista Hands, would u lek to pleh teh gamez runescapesssZ?"

"Y SHORE!" Mr. Hands jumps off his horse. Unfortunately for him his horse noticed Mr. Hand's ass. At 65 MPH, the horse rams his dick into Mr. Hand's ass and blood and gushes everywhere. Mr. Hands is lying on the floor, finally dead.

Your eyes are literally shocked, as you faint.

When you wake up, you realize that was just a dream. However, you look outside your home. Everything seems weird. Your house is completely clean, but when you walk outside, there is a group of people standing in a circle.
You summon me. I say, "you were put to earth after your deep sleep; the world has been taken over by zombies. It's World War Z."

You look at those people. They REALLY ARE ZOMBIES!

"Assface, what are you doing? I want to-"

"I had to keep you out of the domination. Not even you could have stopped it at that time. All your effort would have gone to waste...Mr. Marty..."

"Okay, but what should I-"

"Hey, I'm your creator. You're in Willamette, Colorado. Here, let me help you."

I transport you to the Willamette Mall.
"Good luck Marty. You'll need it. I'll come get you in 3 days."

"3 DAYS? But I"

"Listen, you're stuck here, and then I'll get you elsewhere, kay? BAI"

I disappear and you are left alone in the food court. You pick up a bottle of wine. And drink it. Near the glasses of wine is a frying pan. A zombie attempts to bite your face off, when you smack it on the head, dropping it COLD.

Next to a dead corpse on the ground is a shotgun. You pick it up, and reload it.

Another zombie tries to bite you only to have his head blown off by the shotty...hehe

Hmm...being in this mall may not be too bad...
Hey, you're in a mall? There must be some sort of "literature" store right?

You make your way through the Food court, killing zombies at will.

You finally reach the Al Fresca Plaza, where you see the "magazine" store at the end

Uh oh. It doesn't look easy. There's a whole bunch of zombies, crowded up in the whole plaza and they just saw you.
On the right of you is a hardware store. On the left is a clothes store.
You walk to the hardware store, quickly because the zombies are coming after you. Typing the shotgun to your back, you throw down the frying pan and look around

The hardware store is BEAUTIFUL. Everywhere, there are wonderful appliances to use. To kill zombies of course. The hard part is picking one out....

A couple zombies walk into the store before you close the door, but they move so slowly, that they can't even get to you. Ha. You even take a cash register and throw it at one's head for fun.

As you walk around, like an amazed kid in a candy store, you look on the wall. You see a nice chainsaw. AW **** YEAH. You pick it up.

"Let's rock and roll, *****es."

You charge your way out of the hardware store. That was fun. Your chainsaw is fully charged. There's a sports store up ahead. But you came to this plaza to FAPZ at teh "magazine" store.
"WHARE R MAH PORNO???" You scream, as you charge into the crowd of zombies. Being not only loud, but also noticeable, all the zombies begin to follow you. Good job.

As zombies come at you, you just charge through them. Zombie guts and blood splatter all over the ground, as you make your way through.

However, this didn't work for the best. A zombie grabs you neck and pulls you to the ground. Oh no. He's about to bite off your face, when you raise your chain saw. it tears his face apart. Ouch. Rotten skin flys on your face. Yuck.

You finally get to the store, where you pull out an edition of playboy and begin wanking. Oh yeah, feels good after so long right? It's like an explosion, a very SEXY explosion...

OKAAAAAAYYYYY, so anyways, after your little thing, the "aftermath" of your business attracts all the female zombies into the store. Uh oh. Better get out of here, otherwise, you'll get eaten up.
Uh oh. BAD MISTAKE. All the zombies come in and not only drink up the juice, but they also grab you

As your are overwhelmed by the amount of zombies, you realize that your lust for sexiness was your downfall

As a female zombie is about to chomp off your dick...

You wake up from bed. Aw man, that was one CRAZYASS dream. It's 6:00 AM in the morning.

As you get up and put on your white T-Shirt, and jeans, you realize THIS is the real world. But why were you 17 in your dream? you're actually 21. Weird...

You walk out of your apartment and smell the fresh air...Ah...Gotta love Diamant City (OOC: Fictional City in fictional country, Assworld). The city where NOTHING happens. All of that will change.

By the way, these are your stats:
21 Years Old
Black Hair
White T-Shirt
Blue Jeans
Katana (You're a master at swordsmanship)

You continue your day as usual with your job as a McDonald's fry cook. Nothing out of the ordinary. What a lifeless city...

You're driving home, when all of a sudden, when you're about to get out of the car, two needles pierce your shirt and tie you to the car.

"XCUSE ME WTF R YOU DOING??" you scream, as you try to get out of the needles.

A man with a black jacket, dark pants, and a black hat walks up to you He holds three glowing red needles from his gloves.

"We've been watching you Marty...You have amazing potential...I'd like you to join our group...I'm Dr. Kazmir, but people call me Dr. Death"

Almost telekinetically, the needles which pinned you to the car come back to him. He catches them with his other hand and places them in his jacket. A young man with a white suit walks behind him. The young man has a brown ponytail and wears sunglasses. In one hand, he holds a HUGE ass whip/staff thing.

"Calm down Kaz, I think you're scaring him"

"Does it really matter James? I like to toy with my food," said Kazmir, rubbing his hand

As you try to sneak away, you hear a "Move, and these needles will pierce through you like a knife. What a pity that would be..."

You stay silent.

James looks upset and tries to calm you down

"Look Marty, I suggest you do what Kaz tells you to do, kay?"

From what it looks like, you're a valuable asset to these guys apparently, but they look VERY shady. It's probably not a good idea to trust them. Or at least Kazmir.
You draw your katana and point it at them.

"I'm not afraid of you bastrads, so go on somwhere else."

You jump at Kaz with your sword drawn and about to bring the smackdown, when he moves out of the way.

"Kiera, take care of him,", he responds, smirking.

All of a sudden, this INSANELY HOT woman walks from their car. She is SMOKIN. Imagine Jessica Alba, only 20 times HOTTER. With perfect jugs, and a nice ass to boot(OOC: haha, boot), she also has a sexy body and perfect face. she has green eyes, and nice long black hair.

"Alright, Marty, I don't like confrontations, but if this is the way it's gonna be, I have no choice."

You try to pay attention to her, but all you can think about is her ass...


(unless you vote :peace

(I aplogize for DP, my post was WAY too long)
Quote by nintendocly
During practice once, my bass player was trying to act cool and headbang and I hit him in the face with sharp head of my washburn (accident maybe). Theres still a tiny bit of blood in my guitar, I think its kinda cool

Quote by Placenta_07
I look at boobs and bums and stuff I get really horny and stuff.

wtf is this?i gave up after teh first line when i scrolled down and saw two huge posts worth lol
Jackson DKMG Dinky (EMG 81/85)
Ibanez GIO (i put a Dimbucker in the bridge)
Crate GT65 (65 watts) to be upgraded soon, suggestions welcome (must be tubed)
Floor Pod (for sale)

but im glad u took the effort.

Quote by musicjunkie207
The time I fell on my face on a trampoline and cracked my neck, then proceded to run around the yard in a blind panic screaming "I hope I'm not paralyzed! OH GOD I THINK I'M PARALYZED!"
I can't believe I came back here..
i need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah.
Another victim of psychodelic drugs? That story from what I read was completely random.
Hey the chosen paths were by the reader, NOT ME

AKA The Pit
Quote by nintendocly
During practice once, my bass player was trying to act cool and headbang and I hit him in the face with sharp head of my washburn (accident maybe). Theres still a tiny bit of blood in my guitar, I think its kinda cool
Quote by AronRa (Youtube user)
It is better to be proven wrong, than to forever be wrong, and never know it.

Quote by Meths
Bill Hicks rules.

I hate my user name >_<