#1
A Dylan-esque song. Thanx to skagitup for the assist. C4C.

Fourth And Mime

Introducing Mr. Ted,
He’s got a gun against his head,
Wearing nothing but a bed,
He hitches ride down 4th and Mime.

He’s met by Mrs. Fu,
Who used to live inside a shoe,
Until the feet of me and you,
Kicked her outside on 4th and Mime.

And the winged dogs are smoking frogs,
While the madman jamboree.
And dragonflies all sing in time,
Juggling midgets on their knees.

Behold the flying heads,
Of the drunken Dixie Dregs,
Who are fighting to protect,
The workers rights on 4th and Mime.

And the grass-smoking, hokey-pokey,
Dance a jig with one leg cut off,
Dripping blood and laughing back at you.
The world don’t quite seem all that fun,
When up is down and left has left town,
And Fourth and Mime is calling out to you.

Come inside, walk through the door,
Fall through the hole that’s in the floor,
Where the crucified all mourn,
There’s another born on 4th and Mime.

And the matadors are sweeping floors,
While the tax collectors flee.
And superheroes are all on strike,
For cheap physiotherapy.

Now we’re back with Mr. Ted,
He’s off the bus but not quite dead,
Drawing faces on his bed,
He finally flies from 4th and Mime.

And the grass-smoking, hokey-pokey,
Dance a jig with one leg cut off,
Dripping blood and laughing back at you.
The world don’t quite seem all that fun,
When up is down and left has left town,
And Fourth and Mime is calling out to you.
#3
Quote by kdownes

Introducing Mr. Ted,
He’s got a gun against his head,
Wearing nothing but a bed, I don't get this line.
He hitches ride down 4th and Mime.

He’s met by Mrs. Fu,
Who used to live inside a shoe,
Until the feet of me and you, I like this one though. Clever
Kicked her outside on 4th and Mime.

And the winged dogs are smoking frogs,
While the madman jamboree.
And dragonflies all sing in time,
Juggling midgets on their knees. This stanza seems a bit forced to me.

Behold the flying heads,
Of the drunken Dixie Dregs, Like this bit. Alliteratastic.
Who are fighting to protect,
The workers rights on 4th and Mime.

And the grass-smoking, hokey-pokey,
Dance a jig with one leg cut off,
Dripping blood and laughing back at you.
The world don’t quite seem all that fun,
When up is down and left has left town, I like the idea of this line but it doesn't quite work.
And Fourth and Mime is calling out to you.

Come inside, walk through the door,
Fall through the hole that’s in the floor, Ehhhhh. Not sure about this.
Where the crucified all mourn,
There’s another born on 4th and Mime.

And the matadors are sweeping floors,
While the tax collectors flee.
And superheroes are all on strike, Don't need 'all'.
For cheap physiotherapy. 'Physiotherapy' doesn't flow.

Now we’re back with Mr. Ted,
He’s off the bus but not quite dead, I like this too.
Drawing faces on his bed,
He finally flies from 4th and Mime.

And the grass-smoking, hokey-pokey,
Dance a jig with one leg cut off,
Dripping blood and laughing back at you.
The world don’t quite seem all that fun,
When up is down and left has left town,
And Fourth and Mime is calling out to you.


Could improve but it definitely has the Dylan vibe you were going for.
#4
I kind of wish you wouldn't have said it was inspired by Dylan, cause I had a hard time enjoying the piece for what it is instead of waiting for the chorus to start out

'how does it feel...when your all alone'

but then again, there were some strong lines within here that certainly give off the fact that you a solid writer. Go from here and try and find your own niche, cause from this I have no doubts you will.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=808603
#5
i really loved this. i like with the first stanza the line: "Wearing nothing but a bed" Tell me if I'm wrong but is that meaning he is lying in a bed not wanting to ever get up just wanting to enter and endless sleep (death)

if you got the time check mine out link in sig
#6
The line "Wearing nothing but a bed" signafies that he is carrying all his home with him, he has nowhere so the clothes that he wears becomes his "bed" - get it?
#7
I guess I took that line a little too literally...it sounded to me like he was surprised out of slumber or something. Anyway, I love this song. I can imagine it being something kind of bluesy, kind of rough -- The first musician to come to mind was Tom Waits. It think the best part here is the chorus. I was a bit put off by the rhyming last names thing at first, but by the time I got to the chorus, it seemed to solidify the whole feeling of the song.