#1
So i used to post on here quite a bit, but haven't for god knows how long. No idea why i am now, but i just felt like sharing a little something i wrote today i suppose. I was inspired by the Sigur Ros film of the same name...


Heima

What is it that draws us home in the
Densest of darkness?
Nothing too obscure about a simple memory reflex, triggering the
Spotlight ahead. But the sense of
Subconsciousness swells with guidance
From a silent supplement, readily
Drawing a line through forest, desert,
Oceans or snow.

It takes more than a click to
"Define: Heima". You can never stand
Long enough in the loafers of tabboo
Or peer over the shoulder long enough
To feel the direction of its explanation
Or to peek at the cards,
Pressed against its chest.

If ignorance of this is for fools or the uninspired,
Then we should be both,
For we can never know what Heima truly means.
#4
Quote by caz_guitar_dude


Heima

What is it that draws us home in the
Densest of darkness?
Nice opening. The whole piece had this really consistent, strong mysterious style, which gave the piece a really detached feeling (which worked well). And this opener set it up well.
Nothing too obscure about a simple memory reflex, triggering the
Spotlight ahead. But the sense of
Subconsciousness swells with guidance
From a silent supplement, readily
Drawing a line through forest, desert,
Oceans or snow.
Luuuvveerrllyyy soft consonance in here, Calum. Really, really well written.

It takes more than a click to
"Define: Heima". You can never stand
I don't know what this word means, by the way. Which for me added to the piece.
Long enough in the loafers of taboo
Really great awareness of phonic devices in this piece, Calum.
Or peer over the shoulder long enough
I would take out the repetition. I detest it. I see no reason for it. And it disgusted me.
To feel the direction of its explanation
Or to peek at the cards,
Pressed against its chest.

If ignorance of this is for fools or the uninspired,
Then we should be both,
For we can never know what Heima truly means.

This was a really solid piece, really strong writing. Whilst for me there wasn't much I personally got out of it, I think it really shows development as a writer since I last read you (unlike myself) which I think you should take as a compliment.


Stick around, man.

#5
Thanks Jamie, very good of you! I may put a piece or two up here every now and again, but i'm pretty lazy when it comes to critting other people's work which is really terrible i know, but hey, we'll see.