#1
Here's a new song of mine, finished it up last night.

[V1]
If I don't take this ride
I won't see the end
I'll just see you in the sky
Telling me not to pretend
And to return when the moon hides
But I still feel that you're the one

[Chorus]
I can feel you
Pushing my arms away
I can hear you
Saying that you won't stay
Telling me I'm wrong again
Telling me I'm wrong again

[V2]
The lights in your eyes
Are shining down on me
To try and show me why
But it all fades in the mist
To return when the moon hides
But I still feel that you're the one

[Chorus]

[Bridge]
I can see the end now
But you're not there
I ask myself how

[Interlude]

But I still feel that you're the one

[Chorus]


This is based off a song that my bassist wrote that he gave me. I just took it and flipped so it would reflect upon some things that I'm going through.

As always, critiques are welcome.
#2
i really liked this, but in V2 lines 4 and 6 feel really forced they dont flow well with the rest of it.
hope to see more work

crit for crit links in sig