#1
Sort of Radiohead circa The Bends - not an especially serious song and not that good really but interested in any thoughts


(Long Intro)

Lost on the river
Trying to escape the waters flowing
Stop before you try to laugh
You can’t get out of this mess again

Up on the down
The klaxon calls my name
I’ve got to run
But I’m being bogged down in your sadness

You’re living in the nineties
You try to get it right
You’re living in the nineties
You try to get it right
Death of a century

Thinking of your lost ones
Those friends who passed away
Their fate is meaningless here
You cannot picture their faces in your head

Why should you try to fight?
When you know that everything will be alright
So don’t talk
Just listen to what I have to say

You’re living in the nineties
You try to get it right
You’re living in the nineties
You try to get it right
Death of a century

(Instrumental)

Wait
Come back for me
Don’t look back back back

Hey
Don’t throw it away
Don’t come back back back

(Long Outro)
#2
(Long Intro)

Lost on the river
Trying to escape the waters flowing
Stop before you try to laugh
You can’t get out of this mess again

take -ing of flowing it sound much better. also change, int he first stanza, "on" to "down". then the last line sound really forced

Up on the down
The klaxon calls my name
I’ve got to run
But I’m being bogged down in your sadness

again the last line sound really forced and so out of placed.

You’re living in the nineties
You try to get it right
You’re living in the nineties
You try to get it right
Death of a century

this ones good because its two lines repeated but i like it. though after the second "you're living in the nineties" you could put somthing different to describe who your talking about.

Thinking of your lost ones
Those friends who passed away
Their fate is meaningless here
You cannot picture their faces in your head

again last line does not flow with the rest. and in the second line instead of "those" put "the". In the third line it would be grammatically correct if you put it "their fates are meaningless here"

Why should you try to fight?
When you know that everything will be alright
So don’t talk
Just listen to what I have to say

third and fourth line dont flow. In the second line it sounds better as "When you know that everythings alright"

You’re living in the nineties
You try to get it right
You’re living in the nineties
You try to get it right
Death of a century

(Instrumental)

Wait
Come back for me
Don’t look back back back

I sounds like the lyrics go from a sad song to an upbeat hip hop song.

Hey
Don’t throw it away
Don’t come back back back

same here.

(Long Outro)

Don't give up. This isn't half bad trust me when I first started writing poetry they were crap but i got better.

if you get a minute take a look at my two there not that great just thinks I was playing around with and felt like post. the links are in my sig
#3
I wrote it quite a long time ago and came back to it recently - I might fiddle around with it a bit - the tempo does change though from a sad sort of thing to rather more upbeat (with regard to one of your comments)