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#1
Okay, so I'm on my computer earlier today and I'm whacking off. I finish and try to walk into the kitchen to get a paper towel to wipe it up, but there's a problem. This ****ing puppy keeps biting my feet! so I continue to walk over to the paper towels, and the dog follows, biting at me the whole time. I finally get fed up, pin the dogs head down with my foot, and reach for some paper towels. Around this time, my mom walks in, and looks at me disgustedly. All she said was "Me, you and your father are going to talk about this." then left.

What do I do UG? Any ways of getting out of this?
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools
#2
What do you do about this? You keep kleenex in your room douchebag.
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Muphin > You

The Cooperation
#4
haha

I'n tempted to report this but but the image in my head made me laugh to hard....
El-Danny

Quote by americnidiot
You keep seeing songs like KoC, SMBH, and Hysteria showing up on games, but I want Micro Cuts on either Rock Band or Sing Star. I want to see numerous masses of kids staring at the tv wondering what the hell they're supposed to do.
#6
Tell them you were napping and had a wet dream.
Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.

When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.


-Jimi Hendrix-

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#8
that sounds horrible! hahaha, man, i dont know. ive never gotten caught, but maybe next time you should keep the paper towel near you so you dont have to walk around your house.
#11
Just say "Mother,Father I was Masturbating, it's what most of us teenagers do in are spare time."
#15
FFS

Fap rule number 1: tissues before you start.

I feel pity for no one who gets caught while flaunting the sacred (that I just made up) laws of the fap.
#17
Is anyone else reminded of the epic "got caught masturbating/having sex" thread that had something about "getting your carrot skinned"?
#18
you havent been doing this for very long have you?

Quote by hardrock1315
Is anyone else reminded of the epic "got caught masturbating/having sex" thread that had something about "getting your carrot skinned"?


The laughs i had from that thread are what made me join ug.
i need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah.
#19
Quote by TehPwn3r
Just say "Mother,Father I was Masturbating, it's what most of us teenagers do in are spare time."


Pretty much. They won't get mad at you for telling the truth.
Gunpowder: FUCKING ROCKS!!!
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[witty set-up]
Gunpowder FUCKING ROCKS!!!!!

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Gunpowder you fucking rock!!

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Now I can say, with sufficient certainly, that you, Gunpowder...

FUCK ROCKS!
#20
your beat suicide is your only option
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#21
(You all are gonna make fun of me, but I don't care)

Don't get out of it, accept the consequences of your actions for it will help you in life.
#23
Quote by Retro Rocker
Were you walking round with your cock out?


Yes.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools
#25
Quote by wizards?
that's why you're cool and don't masturbate like me. Saves you all of the hassle of having moments like these

It also denies you of so many good times. And 99% of people never get caught anyway.
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Ironbodom, I hate you.

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damnit Ironbodom.

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Yes, someone "was ate jam" while they were playing.
Brilliant observation.


Save SURGE
#26
So you're wacking off, finish all over youself (why?) and then go into the kitchen to wipe it off with some paper towels...Gross.
Peepee on yo tittays
#27
You're a f*cking retard if you were walking around your house with jizz dripping off your ****, playing with your dog whilst your mum is home.
#28
Tell them it's ok, you weren't masturbating, you were about to **** the dog. They'll understand
#29
Quote by Flying Couch
Why is it a problem that you were jerkin' it? Id your mother batshit?


HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Quote by Jackal58
I only judge people based upon the color of their skin.


Quote by Kilty Boxers
id like to shave my balls, but i always cut myself and when i do my shaver is like om nom nom testicle skin.
#30
Quote by freedoms_stain
FFS

Fap rule number 1: tissues before you start.

I feel pity for no one who gets caught while flaunting the sacred (that I just made up) laws of the fap.



it's "flauting"

I don't know why that matters
Keep the change, pimps don't jangle
#31
I think she thinks he ****ed the dog

Quote by SWLABR
it's "flauting"

I don't know why that matters



NO, it`s flaunting:
Flaunting

``Flauting``

pwnt

EDIT: but yes, he did use the word in the wrong context.
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pass: misterhoffman
Last edited by poopsmith666 at Mar 13, 2008,
#32
What have you learned from this?
Don't walk around the house with your **** out.

Couldn't you have just taken it in the boxers like a man instead of walking around the house with it?
Quote by brandooon
Buy both pickups. Rub icyhot on both of them. Sandwich your penis between them and walk to the nearest homeless shelter with your brand new icyhot penis sandwich.
#33
Wow, i dont think your mom is that mad about you jerking it but more mad about you walking around with your **** out. I would have kicked you in the nuts.
#34
Quote by eldanny
haha

I'n tempted to report this but but the image in my head made me laugh to hard....

Hmmm.... you pictured his................................. dog. didnt you?

^
He's laughing at YOU.
You better click that bastard.



Ibanez RG370DX
Peavey Valveking 112 (w/ Bad Monkey and GE-7 EQ)
#35
hahahaha!!!! tell your parents that its better than f****ing a guy!! hahaha!! that'll put it in perspective for them!! & wtf were you doing walking around w/ your d*ck out anywayz?! you deserve to be caught! get everything you need b4 you start... ::napoleon dynamite:: "gosh...noobs"
#36
yeh as soon as they find out you weren't actually ****ing the dog (im making a big assumption there i know) you should be fine


you really shouldn't do this, but it would be hilarious to get it out and start again whilst they are talking to you. that way you can pretend its a serious problem...
Quote by Jackal58
I only judge people based upon the color of their skin.


Quote by Kilty Boxers
id like to shave my balls, but i always cut myself and when i do my shaver is like om nom nom testicle skin.
#37
Quote by poopsmith666
I think she thinks he ****ed the dog




poor dog
Quote by MeltingWaxFace
Afterwards I said to her "Why did you blitz my asshole like that?"


#38
You my friend is what is known in the masturbation world as a "noob".
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#40
Quote by nimrod_hahahaha
you really shouldn't do this, but it would be hilarious to get it out and start again whilst they are talking to you. that way you can pretend its a serious problem...


This man knows his ****. DO IT!
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