#1
Bit of late night writing! As if there's any other kind. Critiques are awesome.
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She's at the station platform on Diversey
Didn't have the time to by a clue
And the devil's in the choir down at Willow
Sold his soul for old St. Louis blues
The Red Line passes south into the city
She can smell the barrels burning down below
It's New Year's Day and everyone's still drinking
God only knows they'll never pay their due

She's on her hands and knees back in the alley
With another stranger from the Heartbeat Lounge
She'd sell her kingdom for a breathmint or a towel
She sold her soul for vodka, rent, and shoes

Saw her every night, I never knew her
Just another one who never found her way
She sang karaoke every Sunday,
But she never seemed to know the tune
I haven't seen her 'round here since December
Like to think that she's the one that got away
Maybe she finally made it to St. Louis
Or sold her soul for old Chicago blues
I'm vindictive!
#2
Quote by magneticmoony

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She's at the station platform on Diversey I don't know what it is about this line but it hooked me in immediately.
Didn't have the time to by a clue This doesn't quite make sense or flow.
And the devil's in the choir down at Willow
Sold his soul for old St. Louis blues
The Red Line passes south into the city
She can smell the barrels burning down below
It's New Year's Day and everyone's still drinking
God only knows they'll never pay their due Doesn't quite rhyme. And 'God only knows' is a bit of a clichéd phrase.

She's on her hands and knees back in the alley
With another stranger from the Heartbeat Lounge
She'd sell her kingdom for a breathmint or a towel
She sold her soul for vodka, rent, and shoes Love this line.

Saw her every night, I never knew her
Just another one who never found her way
She sang karaoke every Sunday, I can see you're trying to play with the rhyme scheme but it doesn't quite work...
But she never seemed to know the tune
I haven't seen her 'round here since December
Like to think that she's the one that got away
Maybe she finally made it to St. Louis
Or sold her soul for old Chicago blues


Maybe I'm in a sleep-deprived stupor but this has really made me