#1
Criticism welcome. Wrote this in about half an hour with the aid of a mutual friend. Metalcore/Death metal I guess would be the category of music this falls under. Having trouble with my girlfriend, needed to express myself with the song.

Here goes:
____________________________

Our screams echo off the walls
They make their way down these dark halls
Cut the wrist, the razor falls
*once and for all*

Slipping into, Death's dark maw,
feel the grating, of his claw,
Dying raven, no more caw.
Punch you bastards in the jaw, the JAW!

~~~~~~
Chorus:
Assumptions you make, *are so damn wrong*
You've strung the rope, *for me to be hung*
You tied the knot, *of lies and assumptions*
The noose you made, *of years of dysfunction*
~~~~~~

This place I'm stuck, out in the rain
You don't give a ****, about all my pain
The daily grind, this drudgery
His deathly grip, it's cutting me.

Pain and pleasure yet again,
In the sun without your friends,
Anger, rage, from this whole scene,
Like jacking up amphetamines

I'll take the blood stained blade once more,
You're fading in the shade once more.
(You crawl away from the hallowed door)
The mists reveal you on the floor,
Relationship, the hated chore.
Leave our remains, forevermore.


Key:

Lyrics in asterisks* are sub choruses for the lyrics.
Lyrics in parenthesis() are possible future lyrics.


Keep in mind, I'm not 100% dead set on any of these lyrics, or the title. Eventually I want to complete this song, so my buddy and I can record it. Haven't figured out the music to sing this to either, but what do you expect in 45 minute's time?
#2
No replies? Awww...

It still needs work, but as a preliminary song, what do you guys/gals think?