Okay, so this is nothing like how I normally write.

I first posted this a few weeks ago and I deleted it after I decided I was going to edit more in. This is adapted from a script I wrote for a short film, or rather, the script was adapted from this. Idk.

Crit for Crit. Just a few words giving a general opinion would be nice. Thanks.

Crooked Paper Face

There’s a room with finger painted décor on stained white walls, screaming desperate words to a key-shaped peephole framing an eyeball shutter lens.


Something took a bomb to his thought train, they say. Tracks ended up fractured and scattered by the river.

‘I don’t get what you’re trying to say. I look at that room and I see nothing wrong. He’s got what he needs. Look at this, I mean, look, he’s got a skipping rope… a nice, shiny, chain link skipping rope, and look, he’s got some paint there too, look, on his hands. See? He’s fine. Let him be. Leave him be.’

‘Mental asylum’. Words are printed on a peeling sign on a street corner, clouded by posters for new stores and new jobs. In a window up the road there’s a painted smile sitting at home with a desk job and crooked teeth.

‘I think there’s something to be said for how things are run in this country. We are the happiest nation in the world, and we are getting happier. Studies show us that we feel safer than any other people, and that’s because we don’t have lunatics plastered across every –‘
‘I’m sorry, what was that? Studies? What studies?’
‘Government studies and surveys.’
‘I see. And how many people were included in these “studies”?’
‘I’m sorry, but that’s classified information’.

There’s a new factory up on a hill. Word on the street is that they make nooses. A source claimed the mission statement of the company is ‘to hang a noose over every door’. He was found dead in his bathroom.

‘We are in no way associated to his death, no. I’m actually quite insulted by that claim.
‘You are?’
‘Yes, I am. We’re simply trying to provide a service that will benefit the entire nation. We’re not murderers.
‘So why produce nooses?’
‘I beg your pardon?’
‘Nooses. Why make them?’
‘I don’t quite understand. We are producing a book. We don’t make nooses.
‘I see. What’s the book about?
‘It’s part of a 30 part series that we plan to have delivered into every home, for free. Each part is over 100 pages in length.
‘You haven’t answered my question. What is it about?’
‘It’s a compilation of information and stories about the 1000 things most likely to harm or kill you every day.
‘Each book includes tips on how to stay safe.
‘Give me an example.’
‘Okay. Um, well, in Part 1 we discuss minority groups and subclasses of people, how to avoid all contact with them, and, in occasions where you can’t avoid them, how to deal with them.
‘By minority groups and subclasses you mean…?’
‘Blacks, queers, Christians.
‘I see. And the mission statement?’
‘It’s an inside joke. It’s like asking someone the definition of irony, and them telling you that they’ll explain it to you tomorrow, and during the night they have a heart attack and die. It’s not really our mission statement. We haven’t got one.’

Below the Mental Asylum sign, there’s a pram without any wheels and a teenage mum feeding a newborn baby with food she stole from a restaurant owned by a drug merchant. She sleeps near an exhaust vent just outside the local mechanic, but has to move every morning before 5 o’clock before the employees arrive.

‘Apparently he said they should “turn the sign around so I can see it and look at it and read it and look at the crazy people outside and laugh.”’
‘Yeah, well, he would, he’s a psycho.’
O! music: Click (Youtube)

^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.
Dude that is some sweet stuff, what kind of context will it be in?
Quote by bass-man9712
after i clicked all i could think was "please don't be goatse, please dont be goatse"

PSN: Effigyoferebus (feel free to add it)
Context? Like how is the short film set out?

It's a series of interviews [the stuff in italics] and images of someone in a mental asylum, plus a bunch of small scenes showing what's being described in the stuff between interviews. Once I get it filmed and edited I might attatch a link to this.

Can anyone offer advice on things I can improve?
O! music: Click (Youtube)

^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.