#1
Here's a song i just made crit4crit please!


Leaving Home


Is everything that i know
about to vanish from this earth
cuz it feels like i'm dieing
could you take my hand
for my own false comfort
i dont want to leave alone

have you felt the weight of the world
come crashing down on you
when there's no one in your sight,
it happens at the worst of times
when you're running for your life,
gasping for your last breath

Is there anyway out, from this hell hole
cuz i'm fighting desperately
i dont think you're one to save me
im in far too deep
you can try as hard as you please
but whatever you do i'll still be leaving here

have you felt the weight of the world
come crashing down on you
when there's no one in your sight,
it happens at the worst of times
when you're running for your life,
gasping for your last breath
#2
as a lyric it's solid but i think the content and the message are a bit cliche... but otherwise a good solid take on an old subject. if you can get a melody that works it could be great.
#3
Hey fellow Michigander!

This looks like a good start. I get the feeling these lyrics are designed to be screamed or at the very least delivered in a very raw manner.