#1
Alright Pit monkeys, I need your help. My mate has a big problem with his flatmate, which essentially comes down to the fact that said flatmate is...well...subhuman. I mean he is ****ing VILE.

The man is a fat slob who's diet consists of baked beans, pop tarts, crisps (chips for you americans) and pasta. The other three flatmates, including my friend are likeable, reasonable and fairly tidy folk, who don't mind the odd unwashed mug or plate lying around, but get understandably miffed when this guy makes the kitchen look like a slaughterhouse. Yesterday, my friend and I went to make a cup of tea, and discovered a massive bloodstain that this scum had just left to dry on the worktop after trying (and failing) to cook a steak. And when I say worktop, he didn't even clean the damned thing. It was still caked with grime and breadcrumbs and spilt milk and stuff. In another incident, one of the other flatmates had used and left (unwashed) a pan to cook mashed potato in. When the owner went to clean the pan, he found baked bean residue on it. At first, he thought that the scum, from hereon referred to as the Wild Snorlax, had cleaned and then re-used the pan without asking permission first. Turns out nicking someone else's stuff wasn't enough-when the guy cleaned the pan, he found his old mashed potato residue underneath the baked beans. The guy hadn't even bothered to rinse the pan.
So, the three guys have had enough of this guys month old cereal bowls, and general sloppiness.

Enough background. I apologise for the wall of text, i just wanted to give you guys an idea of how horrible this person is to live with. Essentially, I want ideas for revenge, seeing as though threats don't work on snorlax, and these poor bastards have no-one to complain to. I want revenge ideas.

Criteria:

We want it to be food related revenge, but we don't want to kill the guy. Or even seriously hospitalise him. A mild case of food poisoning will suit us just fine. We reckon seeing this bastard throw up for a day or two will teach him a valuable lesson about basic hygiene, whilst also having the benefit of being funny as hell. The idea I've got going at the moment is to chop up some pubes into the guys food when he isn't looking, but I'll gladly welcome other ideas. Oh, and Scott Tenorman has already been mentioned and discarded, because there's a good chance that the chubby mother****er has already eaten his parents.

Make me proud.
#4
Get him drunk, put him to bed, When he wakes up he'll find himself covered in baked beans.

Quote by hazzmatazz
youmakemesmile...

Quote by sebastian_96
Today I stole a girls tampons for being such an annoying bitch.





MUFC


My love for you
Is like a truck
Berserker.
#6
So you want the guy to puke all over your flat? Just pad-lock the entire kitchen.
Quote by markr17
go eat a hermanpherdite.
#7
Why not just like, make burgers, but only cook them for half the time required?

Probably give him Salmonella or something.
#8
make brownies and put chocolate laxatives in them that will shut him up for a loong time. plus its freaking hilarious just make him clean the toilet after hes done

Trust me its worth doing.
Quote by Demonikk
+1 on everything phip said

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#11
woah man, no cheap shots at pop-tarts...
Show me the fever into the the fire, taking it higher and higher.
#12
Kick him out?

As in get on his back till he's had enough and leaves.
"If you don't show it, I cannot grope it."

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.."
#13
Quote by CrazyDavey
Why not just like, make burgers, but only cook them for half the time required?

Probably give him Salmonella or something.


I like it. Instead of burgers, if we use something REALLY nasty, like three day old prawns, then that would be epic.
#14
Get him real drunk and then lock him in a room with a tranny. Tape the whole thing and then distribute the video.
#15
Who does most of the food buying? If it's one of you guys, simply say that all of you are going to become vegetarians for a week. He's either going to starve or move out.
#16
feed him some pasta with some homemade sauce that way you get the benefit of fapping and seing the guy's face when you tell him what he just ate and count how long it takes him to puke it up
Quote by boreamor
Nope because I'm not a dick.
Quote by spanish lovin
then did you just call yourself a PUSSY???



^This = Win
#18
scape the residu from his leftovers and feed it to him while some one offers dinner and mix it in his food? seems gross enough
#19
Quote by phip
make brownies and put chocolate laxatives in them that will shut him up for a loong time. plus its freaking hilarious just make him clean the toilet after hes done

Trust me its worth doing.



Lol laxatives are awesome for revenge just put it in a chocolate bar rapper and give it to him or leave it sitting out so he can eat it and pay the price for being messy.
#20
Quote by Zero-Hartman
Get him drunk, put him to bed, When he wakes up he'll find himself with a sewed up belly.


fixed
#21
Quote by shadow_murph
feed him some pasta with some homemade sauce that way you get the benefit of fapping and seing the guy's face when you tell him what he just ate and count how long it takes him to puke it up


Genius idea!
#27
Quote by Kutanmoogle
Just whip out the pokeflute and he'll retreat.



Quote by hazzmatazz
youmakemesmile...

Quote by sebastian_96
Today I stole a girls tampons for being such an annoying bitch.





MUFC


My love for you
Is like a truck
Berserker.
#28
Threadstarter I know your pain only too well. I live with three other guys and they expect me to clean up after them. The kitchen is full..

Infact I might take a pic later and post what I have to put up with. Its been like this for months and months. I refuse to wash what isnt mine but I do my fair share. If I cook food, I clean everything after and put it back. My housemate has moulding coffee mugs in his room, the kitchen stinks and they refuse to change the bin.

They cook and use cups and leave it lying around. If a work surface is messy, they dont clean it. Mould... Dont worry.

When I complain they tell me to clean it if I dont like it. Why should I clean up after their mess. I clean my share. In the past it got to me so much that I cleaned the entire kitchen and bathroom.. Dont worry it only takes time out of my study time having to clean up after them.

I hate it. I pulled a 12 inch kitchen knife on one of them because the house was that dirty and they didnt listen to my pleas to help clean it. They never want to clean. They drink beer all day, play Wii all day and never go to lectures... Yet I clean, cook, study and suffer for it. They ignored me when I asked them to clean so I pulled the knife and said if they dont do it, they will get cut... They pushed me and pushed me and I almost stabbed one of them but I calmed down and threw the knife at them. I didnt cut anyone. That pissed me off.

I hate living with slobs. I so hate it. Im going to clean the kitchen later but I dont feel like it. Its not my mess. I didnt make it and Im sick of being the one who cleans a 3 story 4 bedroom house.

Sat in a lab, curing diseases. They actually LET me play with chemicals!
#30
Quote by Guitardude19
Threadstarter I know your pain only too well. I live with three other guys and they expect me to clean up after them. The kitchen is full..

Infact I might take a pic later and post what I have to put up with. Its been like this for months and months. I refuse to wash what isnt mine but I do my fair share. If I cook food, I clean everything after and put it back. My housemate has moulding coffee mugs in his room, the kitchen stinks and they refuse to change the bin.

They cook and use cups and leave it lying around. If a work surface is messy, they dont clean it. Mould... Dont worry.

When I complain they tell me to clean it if I dont like it. Why should I clean up after their mess. I clean my share. In the past it got to me so much that I cleaned the entire kitchen and bathroom.. Dont worry it only takes time out of my study time having to clean up after them.

I hate it. I pulled a 12 inch kitchen knife on one of them because the house was that dirty and they didnt listen to my pleas to help clean it. They never want to clean. They drink beer all day, play Wii all day and never go to lectures... Yet I clean, cook, study and suffer for it. They ignored me when I asked them to clean so I pulled the knife and said if they dont do it, they will get cut... They pushed me and pushed me and I almost stabbed one of them but I calmed down and threw the knife at them. I didnt cut anyone. That pissed me off.

I hate living with slobs. I so hate it. Im going to clean the kitchen later but I dont feel like it. Its not my mess. I didnt make it and Im sick of being the one who cleans a 3 story 4 bedroom house.



BROTHER, I FEEL YOUR PAIN!
I FEEL YOUR ANGUISH!

Let us embark on a crusade to feed these slobs to each other.
#31
Quote by LordBishek
BROTHER, I FEEL YOUR PAIN!
I FEEL YOUR ANGUISH!

Let us embark on a crusade to feed these slobs to each other.




Its annoying as hell and we should pit them against each other gladiator style... Well thats hoping they actually get off their asses to fight.



I would make something with laxatives in it... Im in the process of doing this... I need to find a way to do it though. I cant cook a meal so I have to wait for them to do it.
Sat in a lab, curing diseases. They actually LET me play with chemicals!