Wrote this while listening to the heavy metal St.Anger album by Metallica.

Sick of the things you seem to see through me
Lifeless like the dreamless fleet.
All things you seem to say
Float away in an angels way

Turned upon you , with your fear
Open wounded, down in here
Something else is creeping closer
All is coming, all is over.

I, am one more step from falling over
i, i take the ledge and hold you over.

I, breath away the night again
i, i'm not seeing the light again
you, your soul seems to float away
lies, lies you told to this dayyy, yea.

Sharp, as the blade that you feel
cold, as the steel that wraps your veins
More, of the things that cut you down
Done, in the presence of this town.

Lose my hope of what's to come
swallow your trust , i try and run
put the pieces into whole
i ripe my soul, and feel for you

I, tell you what to do
i, i am the one who rules
i take this midnight mass
judge the jury
your life in my hands

I, hold this rope for you
i tie the knot not too loose,
you take the jump , and you choose
death over life, you fall over the roof.

Ride the chains, travel the fields
Whip the fate, behind both wheels
Try to delay what's supposed to kill
Over and over i try to feel.

Lose your faith while your hunting now
Seek for the kill , you try to devour
out jumps the man, shoots him, take'm down
feel the suffering, feel the crown
deprive the rest, you lay down and cry

IIIIIIIII, am the one
IIIIIIII, take your life too
IIIIIIII, make the run
IIIIII, don't need to choose

i am the...DEAD LIGHT
i am the dead light
oh yes i am
i am the one who took you
from this land
i am the dead light
i feel your heart
it beats so silently
and it ends!

I know it's breaking the rules but can anyone give me their opinion on these lyrics? PLEASE