#1
I know I missed some from my last piece but if you desperately need a bump or crit just leave a link with your comment and I'll make sure to get to it by the end of today.

On the spot piece about recent events.



Arrow Pointing Twice Right


great lengths, to take hair cut
from a head so bold with beauty,
here less we suspect the walks
across town for coffee and
donuts, a selfish sum of
to which we repeat in unison
"The actor."
"The actor."
"The actor."
Never a step between
broken branches, never
a cough for cluttered rooms.
I've only asked such a pretty
bird for ivy league lust or
screaming lush, never mind her flowers
to limbo we crawl in our gout, spilling
out of our own skin onto arrows pointing
us twice right.

Aria sung like I asked to just
be by myself, twiddling broken
fingers to distress, I said contagiously
Never we lest forget the
woman I left to see how
far we could fly.

www.facebook.com/longlostcomic
#3
I can certainly sense the fact that this is an 'ots' piece from you, but feel that some parts could be refined to make it a little interesting. Right now, it seems to be a collection of scattered thoughts that have been focred to vaguely fit together.

I do like the way you ended this though, so possibly use this as a basis, and work up to that point.

i should have one up soon.