#1
Waiting
by Steve!

i'm through with the waiting
its been too long
waiting with your
admittedly unreasonable
hatred since the
the moment i decided
you won't answer or
even talk to me
at least when its important
i expected a
little decency
but what can i expect
its only natural
its only me
i'm sick of this
starting to blame myself
for a fault entirely yours
your own ****ed up conclusion
which from a bridge
you jumped too
sealing our fate
and stopping everything
just days before they started
but it happens every time
they aknowledge their fault
and take it out on those
who will always take it
Top 15:
Neutral Milk Hotel
Smashing Pumpkins
Placebo
Elliott Smith
Devendra Banhart
Pavement
Anberlin
Eve 6
The Clash
Imogen Heap
Ingrid Michaelson
Bayside
Minus The Bear
The Replacements
Bright Eyes/Conor Oberst
#2
i'm through with the waiting
its been too long
waiting with your
admittedly unreasonable Generally, I imagine people saying "admittedly" when they are saying someone is right or correct, not when they are calling somebody out for being unreasonable
hatred since the Did you mean to say "the" twice in a row here?
the moment i decided
you won't answer or
even talk to me
at least when its important
i expected a
little decency
but what can i expect
its only natural
its only me
i'm sick of this
starting to blame myself
for a fault entirely yours
your own ****ed up conclusion
which from a bridge
you jumped too
sealing our fate
and stopping everything
just days before they started
but it happens every time
they acknowledge their fault
and take it out on those
who will always take it Interesting conclusion...

I have a few things to say in general about this. Aside from a few small errors in spelling and apostrophes and crap like that, this was alright. I must confess, I usually don't like pieces with somewhat arbitrary line breaks, especially when there isn't any punctuation to speak of. Without punctuation, it's like there's no rest in here, it's like the whole song is almost being vomited out all in one stream or something. It just feels uncomfortable to me to read I thought your subject matter and word choice was fine, I just personally would've enjoyed it a lot more with some more commas and periods Do you think you could take a look at The Art of Mind in my sig? Peace
#3
I think that "Admittedly unreasonable" for exactly the same reasons adds a twist to the lyrics, and it makes you stop and think. It's not quite an oxymoron, but on oxy-saying(?). I like that, it's almost like saying (bad example) "home sweet home, the place I want to leave", most people would turn their heads at the last word because it's different then it usually is. Music is about catching the listener off-guard, and making them think something is going to happen, and then you do another thing. A common example of this in rock is the first time after the verse you play the pre-chorus, and then the next time you just go straight to the chorus from the verse. The audience will be expecting the prechorus, and then the chorus hits them on the head. I'm sorry I ranted a little here, but it needed to be said. -mnin