Anyone knows any good ones? I'm really bored.

Here's mine:

So there was Mickey Mouse, and Minnie Mouse, and Mickey Mouse tells Minnie:
- I want the divorce.
- Are you fuc|king crazy?- Asks Minnie.
- No, I'm fuc|king Daisy.


"When I die, I want people to play my music, go wild and freak out and do anything they want to do." - Jimi Hendrix

"A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality." - John Lennon

I'm a GIRL!
Did you hear about how pawm24 used the search bar?
Me neither.
ok, yeah. my name is silly because I signed up when I was 13.

A man walks in on his wife, in bed with the man's best friend.

What does the man say?

Bad dog, bad dog!

True story.
Last edited by AAAAAAAAAARGH at Mar 17, 2008,
what sucks and isn't funny?
Ibanez GSA60 guitar
perri blue lighting strap
Digitech RP250 pedal
Marshall MG30 Amp

Quote by Glen
I call these Glen wads, they'll get you high just on flavor alone

I got a joke for ya.

Quote by StratPat
****, nah I've never got anything like that, I just get 'YOU'VE WON THE MOTHERFUUCKIN LOTTERY IN IREELAND SEND ME UR DETAILS N U GET 10 000 000 DOLLLAAZZ"

But I'm sure some paid hitman wouldn't email that, and would have better grammar
people from new york will get this...

why did the governor go to a prostitute?
cause his wife was a spitzer not a swallower
Quote by H4T3BR33D3R
Get a boner and slap your school doctor in the face with your penis.

It'll be funny.

Haiku by of friend of mine:
Fat guy play the bass
Get your jam on, get your jam
And peanut butter

Live Fast, Die Fun
i got one that i used in a different thread earlier

how do u curcumsize a redneck?....

you kick his sister in the jaw
Why did the man cross the road?

Because he was stapled to a chicken.

that reminds me

why did the farmer cross the road?

he was a chicken f**ker
Quote by shenanigans682
i got one that i used in a different thread earlier

how do u curcumsize a redneck?....

you kick his sister in the jaw

took a second, but then i LOLD
Two men are hunting in the middle of the forest. They have a very uneventful day. On the long walk back to their truck, one of the men collapses. The other man begins to freak out, and uses his cell phone to call 911.

911 emergency, what's your emergency?

My friend just collapsed, I think he's dead!

Sir, please calm down. First, you need to make sure your friend is actually dead. Can you do that for me?

Uh... yeah, hold on...

The 911 operator on the phone hears a deafening shotgun blast.

Okay, now what?
I was an Internet Witness in the mike.h Murder Case.
Quote by Pauldapro
this man is right. everything he says is right. so, stop killing people and get therapy ffs
What's yellow and smells of bananas?

Monkey sick!

What's green, brown, and kills you if it falls from a tree?

A pool table!
Jackson KVX10
Epiphone EB-3

Bugera 6260
Laney Supergroup Mk 1
Marshall VS100RH
Laney LX412A

Bad Monkey
Metal Muff
Fish N Chips
Why don't women need watches?

Because there's a clock on the stove!
Quote by Ur all $h1t
I stick stuff in my pee hole.


Schecter C-1 Classic
Ibanez S670PB
Stratocaster MIM Standard
Marshall MG30 (its purple )
Dunlop Crybaby Wah
I can honestly say I have really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like.

I don't always post on UG, but when I do, I post in the Pit. Stay thirsty my friends.
A woman walks out of the kitchen.

She has two black eyes.

What do you tell her?

Nothing she's already been told twice.
Chris Redfield Of The Resident Evil Club
Quote by Firebread
St. Anger

Lolz +12 for origanaliteh amirite?

You get my vote. that album sucked