#1
Melodic Death Metal/Slightly black metal influenced song

[Growling]
Bleak gaze,
Admonished face,
Set together,
Like a pale moonlight's glare.

Thoughts together,
Seem to jumble and tether,
Under the light of the bleach white,
Northern Star.

Enveloped in abhorrence,
Denial of my way of life,
Set apart,
Never together,
Left to part,
Lost forever.

Beneath the sky,
as the cold caresses the hill,
None can see the sin,
Forever left under the light of the bleach white,
Northern Star.

[Clean vocals]

Why should they care?
Why have they disgraced us so?

In the end,
I find this to be in vain,
Yet I promise.

[Growling]
Forever.

I shall, always love you.
R.I.P. Charles Michael "Evil Chuck" Schuldiner
B. May 13 1967 - D. December 13 2001

Quote by eggsandham2
cuz ppl hate how power metal they are cuz they think its "gay" or w.e, which is immature and dirogitory
#2
bump

R.I.P. Charles Michael "Evil Chuck" Schuldiner
B. May 13 1967 - D. December 13 2001

Quote by eggsandham2
cuz ppl hate how power metal they are cuz they think its "gay" or w.e, which is immature and dirogitory
#4
I like this; it's refreshing to read lyrics that aren't so literal like a lot of other people's are.

Some suggestions:
Quote by Slaytanic1993

Thoughts together,
Seem to jumble and tether,
Under the light of the bleach white,
Northern Star.

Thoughts tether? Think about that. It doesn't make sense because you don't have something receiving the action. Things do not tether themselves. I know it'll ruin your good rhyme, but you need to either restructure that line or pick a different verb.
Quote by Slaytanic1993

Enveloped in abhorrence,
Denial of my way of life,
Set apart,
Never together,
Left to part,
Lost forever.

Weak stanza. Enveloped in abhorrence? What does that even mean? Try to keep your lyrics in the active voice and use concrete images rather than vague assertions. See if you can't throw in a line of good imagery in there.

another note: your flow seems to be a little off, but then again, it's metal, so it could very well work with whatever you put it to and the flow might not be an issue then.