#1
This is a poem I wrote a long time ago and I just want to hear what people think of it. Me and my friend have fiddled around with the music for it. It's acoustic, definitely, and pretty mellow. Any crit is welcome. And if you want something of yours critiqued, I'm usually pretty willing. So yeah, hope you enjoy:

Best She Can Do

Verse 1
She tapes a poem on the wall
That recounts all she can recall
Novice, it’s far from perfect
And he don’t deserve it
But it’s the best she can do.

Take old clichés and feeble words
‘Cause in her head it’s just a blur
Her hand is all but quiet
But pen doesn’t buy it
And it’s the best she can do.

Chorus(?)
A novice at this,
It’s young and it’s bliss
And neurons withhold
The truth of the mold
Prismatic the scene
A breathless sixteen
And words are insufficient.

Verse 2
His hands have learned her seamless skin
Not quite as smooth as violin
But generously warmer
Oh, gracious performer,
It’s the best she can do.
#2
I like this.. I'll give it a proper crit when I'm finished writing my paper that's due tomorrow. But I do like this. A lot.
#4
It's great. I don't know what to do for editing. If it's going to be an acoustic song, for order should just be verse 1, chorus, verse 2, chorus, then write an ending or verse 1 again. The ending you currently have is great, but you should write a new one that sums up the relationship as a whole. I don't know what else to say, for what you have written is little short of flawless in my eyes. My crit wasn't exactly helpful, but if you will still do crit for crit, do justify the means. It's on the first page.
#5
This is actually a really nice poem. It flows really nicely and the choice of diction, though not great, is ironically perfect for this poem/song. Everything seems to come together nicely. If you want to put music to it I would suggest you organize a structure for this (verse chorus verse or whatnot). If you'd like to check out mine it's "A Pathetic Attempt".
#6
I like this.
It sorta describes my current situation!
especially this part:
"Take old clichés and feeble words
‘Cause in her head it’s just a blur
Her hand is all but quiet
But pen doesn’t buy it
And it’s the best she can do."
but for the "her" bit!

I'm not quite sure how the verse 2 fits with the rest of the song... It sounds like a slight shift in subject/theme. But maybe its just my lack of interpretation speaking here!

Then the chorus seems just a little too long for a song. It sounds rather dragged out. Maybe you could shorten it up a bit. Or split it into a bridge like thingy and a chorus.
Actually on a second thought, it sounds fine.


Overall, its nice and tight and thats the way i like it...(ahmm... please don't take that in any way other than in a purely lyrical sense!)
But yeah, the lyrics do have a good rhythm to it. Its very easy to sing along and the words do flow swiftly in a good rhythm.

So i'ld give it about 8/10 for the lyrical aspect of it.