#1
This was a song i wrote back in '05. It's an acoustic song that sounds like a mix between Nirvana's "Do Re Mi" and the intro to Guns 'N' Roses' "Dead Horse".
Not really asking for critique, I would just like opinions on it.

A Pathetic Attempt

Walked on by myself
To keep me company
Held onto all of my dreams
However empty they be
And maybe I just can't seem
To get things done right
But that's just the way it goes
Try as I might

And maybe I just lost my touch
Maybe I'm just blind
I never really asked for much
Except for peace of mind

Never was good at love
Never learned to share
Never met a struggle
Never learned to care
Hold it upon myself to
To make things right
But it's useless no matter
No matter how hard I fight

And maybe I just lost my touch
Maybe I'm just blind
I never really asked for much
Except for peace of mind


What if I had played the part
What if I had tried
What if I had tried to fight
To keep me satisfied
Maybe if I had direction
Had someplace to go
I think I might've enjoyed it if I
If I'dve cared to know

And maybe I just lost my touch
Maybe I'm just blind
I never really asked for much
Except for peace of mi-i-i-ind
And maybe I just lost my touch maybe
I'm just blind
I never really asked for much
Except for peace of mind

(If you didn't see it the title was a play on words)
#3
I like the repetition with line end/line beginning you do in the 2nd and 3rd verses, and I think it would be cool to carry that theme into the 1st verse too--it would make the whole thing sound more put together.

However, I think that your piece goes downhill from the 2nd verse, because nothing's happening anymore. It just becomes a song where you discuss your flaws/shortcomings as a person. And often that tempts an angsty feel in pieces. Where I wouldn't say your piece is really angsty, it is kind of flirting with that line.

A maxim to write by:
Show, don't tell.
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.