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#1
Help me out please guys'n'gals.

I'm in a band - there are 5 members. Drummer, 2 guitars, bass and a singer. One of the 5 had the original idea for the band and found the rest of us on a band members website. I've been in the band since the beginning and the bass and singer are brand new replacing other members who left to do different stuff.

Now we're a full compliment and working on our setlist and getting gig ready it's become apparent that the founding member is the leader - in fact he's told me so! Which is fine - I think a leader is no bad things - someone to keep everything on track.

Except it's waaaay more than just leading. It's controlling to the point of bossyness. Sometimes when one of us has a suggestion he will just ignore it or talk over us or say no - we need to do it his way etc. And it's seriously getting more than a bit annoying.

At the weekend I had a word with him about it but the conversation didn't go very well and it just confirmed to me more than ever that he's got an over-inflated ego and thinks this is some kind of dictatorship. He clearly thinks this is his band and if he was the singer I could understand it more - but he's not.

One of the points I made in the conversation was that not all of us feel we have an equal say in the decision making and he actually said that he will make his decisions based on input from the rest of us. My point is - they're not his decisions - we should all be discussing stuff and arriving at decisions jointly! As you can tell I'm fed up (and trying hard not to swear here) and I'm thinking of just jacking it in and telling him to get on with it.

What are your experiences of this? Any suggestions?
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#2
Suck it up, faggot.
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#4
Meh. I hate it when that happens. If you don't like it, and after talking to "The Leader", nothing changes, then leave. Take the other band members with you, start a new band with mutual ideas and goals. Things will work a lot better this way!
#5
thats not a band...and with a member with an attitude like that...you guys wont stay together long,.....just let him know and be perfectly clear that his behavior is going to end your band.
take it down with a SteamHammer
#7
Dude, wait a little longer and if nothing changes, kick him out. Yes, kick him out of the band he founded. No one owns a band, and if he's the one holding you all back then thank him for bringing you together and say goodbye.
#9
Quote by MetalMafioso
what a great contribution...asshole

Asshole, I like assholes. I put my penis in them regularly.

I would also like to take this moment to thank you for playing "I'm an idiot that's just been trolled".
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Laney VC30-212
Dunlop Crybaby
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Ibanez TS9DX
#10
Quote by Jcore44
Dude, wait a little longer and if nothing changes, kick him out. Yes, kick him out of the band he founded. No one owns a band, and if he's the one holding you all back then thank him for bringing you together and say goodbye.



thats it^^^^^^
take it down with a SteamHammer
#13
I had a member of a band ones who said at a GIG at SCHOOL, that he was the leader .

I am stil waiting for revenge (am out of that band btw.)
#15
Pfft. Bass Players
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#16
no one owns a bands unless that person is axl rose
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#17
Quote by GooseMcShred
no one owns a bands unless that person is axl rose


Or Dave Mustaine.
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#19
[quote="'Tommy[fin"]']Or Josh Homme.

Or Dave Grohl.
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#20
kick him out of the band and laugh your asses of when he starts jabbering that you can't kick him out of the band because he owns it

EDIT:
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Or Dave Grohl.


or Trent Reznor
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#22
Quote by JulieBaby
Help me out please guys'n'gals.

I'm in a band - there are 5 members. Drummer, 2 guitars, bass and a singer. One of the 5 had the original idea for the band and found the rest of us on a band members website. I've been in the band since the beginning and the bass and singer are brand new replacing other members who left to do different stuff.

Now we're a full compliment and working on our setlist and getting gig ready it's become apparent that the founding member is the leader - in fact he's told me so! Which is fine - I think a leader is no bad things - someone to keep everything on track.
You got that right. Democracy in a band just does not work.

Quote by JulieBaby
Except it's waaaay more than just leading. It's controlling to the point of bossyness. Sometimes when one of us has a suggestion he will just ignore it or talk over us or say no - we need to do it his way etc. And it's seriously getting more than a bit annoying.

At the weekend I had a word with him about it but the conversation didn't go very well and it just confirmed to me more than ever that he's got an over-inflated ego and thinks this is some kind of dictatorship. He clearly thinks this is his band and if he was the singer I could understand it more - but he's not.

One of the points I made in the conversation was that not all of us feel we have an equal say in the decision making and he actually said that he will make his decisions based on input from the rest of us. My point is - they're not his decisions - we should all be discussing stuff and arriving at decisions jointly! As you can tell I'm fed up (and trying hard not to swear here) and I'm thinking of just jacking it in and telling him to get on with it.

What are your experiences of this? Any suggestions?
Oh, so according to you, it's okay that he should have the responsibility as being the leader, but you think all should share in the authority. Get real.

They ARE his decisions. HE put the band together. His band. His decisions. You don't like the way he makes decisions? Fine. gtfo. Start your own band, or join one that is a "democracy" see how well you like in when everyone argues about minute details and nothing gets done.

Quote by JulieBaby
Help - Controlling Band "Leader"
Don't even think about "controlling". Learn your place, nitwit. If you think he's overbearing, talk to him privately. Then ask for a little more opportunity for creative input.

... or do it your way, and try to "control" him. And have him replace you, as he should.


...
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#23
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew

They ARE his decisions. HE put the band together. His band. His decisions. You don't like the way he makes decisions? Fine. gtfo. Start your own band, or join one that is a "democracy" see how well you like in when everyone argues about minute details and nothing gets done.



+1.
#25
i don't entirely understand. if the majority of you feel one way, there's not a whole lot he can do about it, unless he's playing your instruments for you.
my name is matt. you can call me that if you like.
#26
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
You got that right. Democracy in a band just does not work.


+1. Nothing at all gets done. Someone, at the end of the day, has to take charge.


Oh, so according to you, it's okay that he should have the responsibility as being the leader, but you think all should share in the authority. Get real.

Also +1
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#27
THere are some things you need to collaborate on, but someone has to make sure that you stick to that plan.
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#28
As much as i agree with SYK and others, there has to be a LEVEL of democracy

A leader is there to take in everyones ideas and sort through them, put the ones that make sense to the others etc, in completely blanking the other members of the band, he isn't being a responsible leader but an ignorant dictator which no band should contain
#29
Quote by tushmeister
As much as i agree with SYK and others, there has to be a LEVEL of democracy

A leader is there to take in everyones ideas and sort through them, put the ones that make sense to the others etc, in completely blanking the other members of the band, he isn't being a responsible leader but an ignorant dictator which no band should contain

Oh of course but one can't expect a vote on everything and sometimes people's ideas are just a bit thick and do need to be ignored.
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#30
Quote by Ur all $h1t
Oh of course but one can't expect a vote on everything and sometimes people's ideas are just a bit thick and do need to be ignored.


Again agreed, but from the TS's description I expect the 'leader' is being a jackass

If he wants the authority and responsibility of running the band, he can't shut others out, that's not responsibility or authority but control
It's like the difference between fear and respect I suppose...
#31
Quote by tushmeister
Again agreed, but from the TS's description I expect the 'leader' is being a jackass

If he wants the authority and responsibility of running the band, he can't shut others out, that's not responsibility or authority but control
It's like the difference between fear and respect I suppose...

Fear is easier
"Why should we subsidise intellectual curiosity?"
-Ronald Reagan

"Knowledge is in every country the surest basis of public happiness."
-George Washington
#32
Quote by tushmeister
As much as i agree with SYK and others, there has to be a LEVEL of democracy

A leader is there to take in everyones ideas and sort through them, put the ones that make sense to the others etc, in completely blanking the other members of the band, he isn't being a responsible leader but an ignorant dictator which no band should contain
There is no such animal. You don't get to decide how much authority the leader has. He has complete authority.

However there is such a thing as benevolent dictatorship, and accepting creative input. A good leader knows how to balance things properly. But there will always be some people who don't get that right away. They flounder from band to band, dissatisfied, until they finally get it. And until they do get it, they try to "control" the leader, instead of working with him (or her).

EDIT:

Quote by tushmeister
Again agreed, but from the TS's description I expect the 'leader' is being a jackass
IF that's the case, there are ONLY 3 options.

1 - Private conversation with the leader.

2 - GTFO

3 - Mutiny.
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Last edited by SomeoneYouKnew at Mar 18, 2008,
#33
Quote by Ur all $h1t
Fear is easier


But not as good for anyone bar yourself, and in a situation where you're so easily replaced, it's sadly necessary you pander to the majority feeling, which would be that respect is better

Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
There is no such animal. You don't get to decide how much authority the leader has. He has complete authority.

However there is such a thing as benevolent dictatorship, and accepting creative input. A good leader knows how to balance things properly. But there will always be some people who don't get that right away. They flounder from band to band, dissatisfied, until they finally get it. And until they do get it, they try to "control" the leader, instead of working with him (or her).

EDIT:

IF that's the case, there are ONLY 3 options.

1 - Private conversation with the leader.

2 - GTFO

3 - Mutiny.


Of course there is a level of democracy, it's the same as a benevolent dictatorship, you can have a democracy in which you don't always get to vote over everything, in which one person or a group in the case of larger organisations decide what deserves the vote or deserves the public forum...

And I agree completely, at no point have I disagreed with a word you've said except that there IS a level of democracy which allows for a leader and doesn't expect everything to be put to debate
Last I checked I had very little say in the recent Budget Darling proposed because I'm not able to make decisions on that subject and definitely neither are most people, but I believe I still live in a democracy here...
#36
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
You got that right. Democracy in a band just does not work.

Oh, so according to you, it's okay that he should have the responsibility as being the leader, but you think all should share in the authority. Get real.

They ARE his decisions. HE put the band together. His band. His decisions. You don't like the way he makes decisions? Fine. gtfo. Start your own band, or join one that is a "democracy" see how well you like in when everyone argues about minute details and nothing gets done.

Don't even think about "controlling". Learn your place, nitwit. If you think he's overbearing, talk to him privately. Then ask for a little more opportunity for creative input.

... or do it your way, and try to "control" him. And have him replace you, as he should.


...

For possibly the first time, I agree with SYK.

Sure the leader may be an asshat, but accept it. Sounds to me like you want somebody to run everything, get you gigs, and sort out publicity; while you sit back and complain.

You want equal membership, suck it up and take equal responsibility too.
#37
Quote by tushmeister

Of course there is a level of democracy, it's the same as a benevolent dictatorship, you can have a democracy in which you don't always get to vote over everything, in which one person or a group in the case of larger organisations decide what deserves the vote or deserves the public forum...
They aren't the same.

Democracy implies rights.

In dictatorship, you have no rights. Only privileges granted by the dictator. He decides when and if you continue to have those privileges.

Quote by Masonpwiley
Get everyone to agree on kicking him, and then have everyone go and tell him.
Straight to option 3, eh?

Better hope that everyone else in the band feels the same way.
If not, start looking for another band.
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Last edited by SomeoneYouKnew at Mar 18, 2008,
#38
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
They aren't the same.

Democracy implies rights.

In dictatorship, you have no rights. Only privileges granted by the dictator. He decides when and if you continue to have those privileges.


Why be so pedantic? It's clear I meant a similar thing, and technically it's the same anyway, the dictator can grant certain rights upon people...
#39
Quote by tushmeister
Why be so pedantic? It's clear I meant a similar thing, and technically it's the same anyway, the dictator can grant certain rights upon people...
Why, because for TS to get the message, the message has to be extremely clear. You're still using terms like "rights". I avoid using a word like that for this kind of situation. A right is something you are entitled to. Period. A privilege can be granted, and taken away at the digression of the one granting it.

A good dictator (band leader) always grants privileges, never rights.
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
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