Page 1 of 3
#1
got any good chuck norris jokes? i didnt see a thread like this already made...
so yeah, fire away

Edit: Ok, it has come to my attention that this has probably been done 1billion+ times now, but still, i love these jokes
Quote by IwannaBeSadated

I would have any sort of sex with any sort of animal.

Last edited by axefreak129 at Mar 18, 2008,
#2
jesus can walk on water
but chuck norris can swim through land
EDIT: o yeah first post!!!! i am soo cool now!!!
#3
Mods close threads. Chuck Norris closes threadstarters.
Quote by denizenz
I'll logic you right in the thyroid.

Art & Lutherie
#4
Chuck Norris doesn't use the search bar.

The search bar uses Chuck Norris.

But this thread probably HAS been done before. =P
Jackson KVX10
Epiphone EB-3

Bugera 6260
Laney Supergroup Mk 1
Marshall VS100RH
Laney LX412A

Bad Monkey
Crybaby
Metal Muff
Fish N Chips
#5
when chuck norris goes swimming he doesnt get wet, the water gets chuck norrised

under his beard chuck norris doesn't have a chin... only another fist

chuck norris actually died 7 years ago... the grim reaper is just too scared to tell him
Quote by Virgil_Hart05
Beating the elderly is a big favourite of mine. Also, pushing kids over and kicking pregnant women in the womb is fun.



Right now we're called 'Various Artists' just to fuck over people with iPods
#7
Quote by Glimsom
Chuck Norris doesn't use the search bar.

The search bar uses Chuck Norris.

But this thread probably HAS been done before. =P


yeah it has... 2 less than 2 weeks ago
#9
when chuck norris does push-ups, he doesn't push himself up...he pushes the world down
#10
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer, too bad he hasn't cried

Once when Chuck norris was having sex in a truck, some of his sperm went into the engine, that truck is now called Optimus Prime

Chuck Norris sometimes has sex with men, not because he's gay, only because he's run out of women

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle

Bill Gates is constantly living in fear that Chuck Norris' computer will crash
Hull City A.F.C

Quote by Thrashtastic15
crunkym toy diuckl;ess ass ****igkjn ****** **** bitch ass pussy ****er douchecanoe ****** **** you s omn cnt you lieet le biutch
#12
chuck norris once roundhouse kicked a horse in the chin. its descendants today are known as giraffes.

chuck norris doesn't need to shave, his beard is afraid to grow.

if chuck norris misspells a word, oxford switches the spelling.
the below is true
-----------------------
the above is false
#13
chuck norris's tears cure cancer, to bad he doesn't cry

chuck norris get's an erection there were no survivors
#14
Chuck Norris once went to the Virgin Islands, now they are just known as the Islands
May the Schwartz be with us! 2012



MAL


Q: OK, so do you care about the labels — nastiest, edgiest team in the NFL?

Jim Schwartz: It's better than the alternative — meekest, least aggressive, softest team in the NFL.


#15
if you have 5 dollars and chuck norris has 5 dollars chuck norris has more money than you

apple pays chuck norris 99 cent every time he listens to a song

chuck norris can kill two stones with one bird

there's no ctrl button on chuck norris' pc. chuck norris is always in control
Quote by coryklok
My god.

Your username... it's amazing.



Yup.
#17


Chuck Norris doesn't check for the boogeyman. the boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands once. Now they are Just known as "The Islands"
EDIT: Dammit, someone beat me to it
BACK LIKE A HEART ATTACK
Last edited by Kai07 at Mar 18, 2008,
#19
Wilt Chaberlain claims to have slept with 20,000 women in his entire life.

Chuck Norris calls this a "slow tuesday"
#20
Chuck Norris once ate his whole birthday cake before anybody had the chance to tell him there was a striper inside.
Chuck Norris does not consider it sex if the woman survives.
Chuck Norris' Penis is so huge that it has it's own penis, and even that one is bigger than yours.
#22
hey, who would win a fight between chuck norris and chuck norris' clone?
Quote by Ross724
whats harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree

nailing a live baby to a dog
#23
The Chuck Norris jokes were funny a half year ago, now I just find them incredibly lame and annoying...
#24
Quote by cire sirrah
hey, who would win a fight between chuck norris and chuck norris' clone?


None of them.
The combined awesomness of two Chuck Norris' in the same place at the same time would cause the fragile structure of reality to collapse.
Last edited by TheQuailman at Mar 18, 2008,
#25
Quote by TheQuailman
None of them.
The combined awesomness of two Chuck Norris' at the same place at the same time would cause the fragile structure of reality to collapse.



well said
Quote by Ross724
whats harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree

nailing a live baby to a dog
#26
Chuck Norris can clog toilets with his piss.
Quote by Atomic_Assault
lololololol that was epic andyd93. you just made my day


PROUD EVERTONIAN
#28
Quote by andyd93
Chuck Norris can clog toilets with his piss.


he takes shits with his penis?
wow...i dunno if thats awesome or painful...
#29
Quote by guitardude34875
he takes shits with his penis?
wow...i dunno if thats awesome or painful...

chuck norris feels no pain.
Quote by bearded_monkey
Oh man thats amazing, you win midi pure. I don't care whether it's a competition or not


Quote by halvies


could have been 3 's but there wasn't nearly enough exclamation marks to emphasize the anger/disbelief

oh yeah
#31
C'mon people, these jokes are so lame that they are funny again. It's what they call a "winning failure" over at 4chan I believe.
#32
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn't even in a bowling alley.
Chuck Norris may not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
Chuck Norris doesnt have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
[quote="'[x"]Huffy[x]']^ This man knows everything.

Seriously, don't even try and question him, he'll rip your face off with his awesomeness alone.
Quote by Kumanji
@ yet another win post from Vince. Kudos to you, sir.
#33
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong to a 'whos got more testicles' contest, Chuck won by 5
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits
Founder of the UG Church of Nihilists pm to join


Trust in me and fall aswell.
#36
lesbian is just the latin term for a girl who has not met chuck norris

chuck norris destroyed the periodic table, the only element he needs to know is the element of surprise.

there is no theory of natural selection, just chuck norris deciding which animals get to live another day.

Must Not Sleep.


Must Warn Others.

Gear:
Gibson Special Faded SG
Orange Tiny Terror (Combo)
MXR Carbon Copy Delay
Dunlop Crybaby Wah

3DS friend code: 3995-7035-3562
#37
chuck norris one played a game of golf with a 12 inch strip of ruhbarb and a sun dried tomato and shot a 54
Quote by MeltingWaxFace
Afterwards I said to her "Why did you blitz my asshole like that?"


#38
I've always wondered what chuck norris thoughts were like when these jokes started getting popular...anywho, chuck norris doesn't feel pain, pain feels chuck norris...
Member of UG's gain \/\/hores - pm gpderek09 to join.
#39
I remember hearing these back when I was like 14..and I STILL find them funny!

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door

Chuck Norris eats soup with a fork, and succeeds

Chuck Norris can kill anything, even death.
#40
Quote by DR132
I've always wondered what chuck norris thoughts were like when these jokes started getting popular...anywho, chuck norris doesn't feel pain, pain feels chuck norris...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=n8QAeoFdM5g
[quote="'[x"]Huffy[x]']^ This man knows everything.

Seriously, don't even try and question him, he'll rip your face off with his awesomeness alone.
Quote by Kumanji
@ yet another win post from Vince. Kudos to you, sir.
Page 1 of 3