#1
ok tell me what you think, if you want to compare it to some other stuff i've written, go search for"Dying breath"

oh and i did take the first oxymoron from shakespear

Verse 1:
O, loving hate,of living dead,
I contemplate,my hearts intent,
and still I wish,I could relate,
with dying words,we still await...

Chorus:
Our lives so sweet, a fallacy,
a small mistake, and we awake,

Verse 2:
I wish I could, control this thought,
this meaningless, electric shot,
as we complete, this final fate
sent from above, inanimate

Chorus

Verse 3:
eternal bliss, still spilling forth,
from what we saw, still follow north,
for living is, to mourn the dead
this bitter thought, from which we fled

Chorus (modified):
Our lives so sweet, a fallacy,
a small mistake, and we awake,
our lives we treat, as sun at dawn
and lasting shock, and we are gone.

style wise it should be sung in short burts of screaming, but like like punk/hardcore screaming. and the chorus should be sung like normals stuff, but at a slower tempo so it fills it up more.
#2
Aah, always good to see a Thrice fan! (i presume from your AITA avatar)
(and i can see the influence in the lyrics too!, not to mention Dustin is my favorite lyricist.)

Anyway, i really liked it.
You've got an excellent diction there.

I like these verse a lot.
"Our lives so sweet, a fallacy,
a small mistake, and we awake,
our lives we treat, as sun at dawn
and lasting shock, and we are gone."
Especially the last 2 lines.

Your lyrics are really nice and tight. They have a good rhythm. Strong words.
I'ld give it an 8.5/10.
Good work!


And i'ld appreciate a little crit for crit!
My song is somewhere around this page too, the martyr.