#1
I dont mean to be a political bitch, but i was in geography class today and we had a mini-debate about what the hell we are doing in Iraq, and how so many people sue randomly and out in rehabs instead of jail, and picking money of the street that could have bought something simple for the poor. The last part or Bridge i got from when i was talking to a girl who i have nicknamed "Pretty Lady" were talking at Starbucks than went to see a movie and i love seeing her and love her a lot
The chorus show how when we are in a state of cleaning our messes, we want to take the easy way out and get back to our old life... The last chorus is from a comic i read in Kurt Cobains Journals, idk how it relates i just liked the idea of life in a comic of animated figures.
so i got this out of it

the lyrics are menat to go to a funk beat like the Old Red Hot Chili Peppers, fast raps for verses and sometimes slow chorus with a crazy funked out beat

Verse
Yes, now is the time we need to wake America up,
get rid of that president
hes a bucket of slime polluting our teeth with grime
Kick dogs out of our yards, and sue people for being tards
the time is now to understand,
i tell her where to put her hand

Chorus
Facing the judge in rehabilitation
Living life like and animation
All we need is in the back
an open door to cut our slack

Verse
Get money off of the street,
someones lunch or bed put down to waste
Hoboes could have bought his tooth paste by now
but no, America is a country of cows
I buy a burger to eat, please come sit next to me
We pay all our fees because we are broke
yes we just dont know how to get out of this hole

Chorus
Facing the judge in an animation
living life on abombination
all we need is in the back
an open door to cut the slack

Bridge
Love her smell while you pleasure her well
good enough to try the wrong industry
go see a movie so we can be seen together
Judging us seems pretty easy
laugh at us as you wish
in a country thats supposed to be free
buy coffee and show them how its meant to be
oh pretty lady you do amaze me

Chorus
Face the judge in a meditation
you and me girl in our recreation
of a world lived with slack
Animations
Call me Sean
Quote by Nilpferdkoenig
He's just trying to protect our innocence.


Yes i am
Quote by :Vicious--

Your flirting powers are incredible.



Gear:
Schecter S1 Elite Black Cherry (Soapbar Neck, Invader Bridge)
Schecter Banshee
Orange Dual Terror
Boss CE-5
Goatkeeper
Last edited by Guitarplaya27 at Mar 22, 2008,
#2
i liked it

only thing i could say negative is that it isn't that descriptive

C4C mai song "Killing the Bitch"
Just because I play the drums doesn't mean I suck at guitar, or ams that I's iz stoopidz.


Space that ain't yours
#3
like when u say her smell u could like add a line about what it smells like and like use words that make ppl imagine things and then think about the lyrics
Just because I play the drums doesn't mean I suck at guitar, or ams that I's iz stoopidz.


Space that ain't yours
#4
anyone else
Call me Sean
Quote by Nilpferdkoenig
He's just trying to protect our innocence.


Yes i am
Quote by :Vicious--

Your flirting powers are incredible.



Gear:
Schecter S1 Elite Black Cherry (Soapbar Neck, Invader Bridge)
Schecter Banshee
Orange Dual Terror
Boss CE-5
Goatkeeper
#5
its good, but i dont think the bridge fits in too well, maybe if you made it like a twist, by showing you do the same, and further showing the hypocracies in this country. it does have a good stream of contiousness (sp?) thing going on. it had a good rhyme pattern, it would definatly fit in with a good rap rock sound, like ratm, or early chili's like you said.
#6
i like it!
it's complex, and though some people might not get it all the way, it's one of those songs you don't necessarily have to really "get".
Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the cake this morning!

yeah, that's an inside joke. i made it different colors and sizes to be obnoxious...
#7
First of all thanks for the crit. I appreciate it. Anwyays, I thought the rhymes were good, and it flowed well. I was rapping (poorly) along to it and I could definitely feel the vibe. However, the bridge really doesn't seem to fit. The content in that part doesn't really go with the rest of the song. (Even the "a country that's supposed to be free" line, doesn't salvage that part.
#8
this song is just screaming political punk at me!

its like a day in the life of anti-flag haha

very rad stuff man!
#9
Your very welcome themarsvolta,
and political punk?
haha as long as you liked it

anything you guys want me to crit?
Call me Sean
Quote by Nilpferdkoenig
He's just trying to protect our innocence.


Yes i am
Quote by :Vicious--

Your flirting powers are incredible.



Gear:
Schecter S1 Elite Black Cherry (Soapbar Neck, Invader Bridge)
Schecter Banshee
Orange Dual Terror
Boss CE-5
Goatkeeper
#10
thats great **** boogar! get a ****in band together man! great lyrics!
IF YOU WANT PEACE PREPARE FOR WAR!!


R.I.P. Dimebag Darrell



A recent study shows that 92% of all teenagers have moved on to rap music. Put this in your profile if you are one of the 8% who stayed with the real music
#11
Hey bud. Long time no talk. I'm gonna try crit this as though I didn't read the introduction thing, because realistically, if you make this into a proper song, most people won't have the explanation in front of them to understand the lyrics properly.


Verse
Yes, now is the time we need to wake America up,
get rid of that president
hes a bucket of slime polluting our teeth with grime
The rhyme of slime and grime seems a bit childish. If I was you I'd try and change the 'grime' to a word that rhymes with 'up'. It'd flow a lot better that way. And I like 'he's a bucket full of slime' as opposed to what's already there.

Kick dogs out of our yards, and sue people for being tards
the time is now to understand,
i tell her where to put her hand
Idk about the first two lines here either. sue people for being tards? that's a bit... blunt.. don't you think? And I don't think it's true either really. When have people been sued for being retards? Sure, they get excluded and disrespected, but I'm not aware of them being sued.

Chorus
Facing the judge in rehabilitation
Living life like and animation
All we need is in the back
an open door to cut our slack
Second line doesn't make sense really. Should it be 'living life like an animation'? Overall this is a really strong chorus though.

Verse
Get money off of the street,
someones lunch or bed put down to waste
Hoboes could have bought his tooth paste by now
but no, America is a country of cows
I buy a burger to eat, please come sit next to me
We pay all our fees because we are broke
yes we just dont know how to get out of this hole
Nothing to crit here. All really strong stuff.

Chorus
Facing the judge in an animation
living life on abombination
all we need is in the back
an open door to cut the slack
Second line again... it'd make more sense as 'living life[, an/in] abombination'

Bridge
Love her smell while you pleasure her well
good enough to try the wrong industry
go see a movie so we can be seen together
Judging us seems pretty easy
laugh at us as you wish
in a country thats supposed to be free
buy coffee and show them how its meant to be
oh pretty lady you do amaze me
I'm not too sure about this in the context of the piece. I really like the first 2 lines though, I just don't think they fit in the political piece. But meh.

Chorus
Face the judge in a meditation
you and me girl in our recreation
of a world lived with slack
Animations

Strong ending, great really.

Really nice piece overall. Could definitely hear it to music.


Could you crit

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=817192

for me?

Thanks.
O! music: Click (Youtube)


^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.
#12
i will crit yours bro
but thanks and yes it should be living life like an animation

thanks man, anyone else
Call me Sean
Quote by Nilpferdkoenig
He's just trying to protect our innocence.


Yes i am
Quote by :Vicious--

Your flirting powers are incredible.



Gear:
Schecter S1 Elite Black Cherry (Soapbar Neck, Invader Bridge)
Schecter Banshee
Orange Dual Terror
Boss CE-5
Goatkeeper
#13
anyone else? its been awhile
Call me Sean
Quote by Nilpferdkoenig
He's just trying to protect our innocence.


Yes i am
Quote by :Vicious--

Your flirting powers are incredible.



Gear:
Schecter S1 Elite Black Cherry (Soapbar Neck, Invader Bridge)
Schecter Banshee
Orange Dual Terror
Boss CE-5
Goatkeeper
#14
anyone else? its been awhile
Call me Sean
Quote by Nilpferdkoenig
He's just trying to protect our innocence.


Yes i am
Quote by :Vicious--

Your flirting powers are incredible.



Gear:
Schecter S1 Elite Black Cherry (Soapbar Neck, Invader Bridge)
Schecter Banshee
Orange Dual Terror
Boss CE-5
Goatkeeper