i'll totally C4C any comments or critiques

In the End, all the days of being battered and broken hearted
will be discarded along with all of you're despair
and you will forever live on in fear of

the end of the start of this new day
where every one has some one
and everyone knows just what to say to make u wanna make them smile

they may only mean well when they tell u shes not the only fish in the sea
but their words won't save her from the hell
that she'll soon find
as u make her smile just one last time
she'll gasps for air cuz its just too much too bare as she sees

the end of the start of her end
she lets go and gives in
and falls asleep in your arms
(looks like she's finlly fallen for u)

its time to lay her down
you've finally wore her out
but now your head hangs low in silence
as the emptiness of it ll mkes u recall
her bloody profane screams as she shouted
and pleaded please no please don't kill me

okay debrief time, that piece of awesome epicness was the second song in the concept album i'm writing. I have three songs writteded and i'll post another either tomorrow or the next day, i'm skipping the first song cuz its the intro and well no one ever listens to intros, but ppl still have to write them
Just because I play the drums doesn't mean I suck at guitar, or ams that I's iz stoopidz.

Space that ain't yours
Last edited by majonior at Mar 19, 2008,
Nice dude,
love the descriptiveness

especially the analogies that girls do use, fishs in the sea and etc.
and what did you mean by mine needing more descriptions
Call me Sean
Quote by Nilpferdkoenig
He's just trying to protect our innocence.

Yes i am
Quote by :Vicious--

Your flirting powers are incredible.

Schecter S1 Elite Black Cherry (Soapbar Neck, Invader Bridge)
Schecter Banshee
Orange Dual Terror
Boss CE-5
thats pretty good. flows pretty nice. i got no complaints.
im writing a concept album too... i wish
It's really good. I don't know about the final line, but it works I guess. Great description though.
since the last line does sound funny i was thinking about making it about digging a grave and standing in it but i can't word it right.

how should i end the song
Just because I play the drums doesn't mean I suck at guitar, or ams that I's iz stoopidz.

Space that ain't yours