#1
any constructive crits are very welcome. ill try to do crit 4 crit as much as i can.

i see the bombs are falling
i hear the wounded calling

i see the horsemen riding
i see the soldiers hiding
chorus:
will they be killed or saved
how can we look away
will they see death today
how can we look away

i see the fields covered
with bones of friends and brothers

thier bodies caught in wire
the world engulfed in fire
chorus:
the liars had it staged
how can you look away
if thats the price we pay
how can you look away

the warplanes burn the trees
to see thier enemies

the gunships mine the ocean
apocolypse in motion
chorus:
thier heartless plans are laid
how can we look away

thats as far as i got. hope you like it. and if your wondering i actualy wrote it about the vietnam war. i have music for this, i think this is the closest ive come to completing a song
Last edited by heavyairship at Mar 20, 2008,
#2
i like but the flow in my head made it sound like a church hymn

my c4c is below
Just because I play the drums doesn't mean I suck at guitar, or ams that I's iz stoopidz.


Space that ain't yours
#3
no i wrote some angry sounding music Am for the verses and Em D for the spaces in between the verses
#5
the four lines under the word chorus is the chorus. i have trouble writing choruses so they are usualy similar to the verses.
#7
Maybe give it more structure, like rhyming every other line instead of the way you have it now, but it has a good point, and I like the writing. As for crit for crit, my songs Justify The Means. It's currently on the second page.
#8
i really like this one.

it sounds like you're talking about different parts of a battle battle during the first world war.
"apocolypse in motion" <--- i really like this line

"the warplanes burn the trees
to see their enemies"
<--- as i read this i said 'Familiar' instead if 'Their' by accident and i think 'Familiar' flows better in it.