#1
Hey guys, second song posted up here. This one is titled "New Moon".

Verse 1
I was awake inside of a dream
Never did I ponder reality
It seemed so real, I didn’t question it
no more consequences
My body felt like a mist
I didn’t feel completely whole
I felt weak and powerless
This dream held no purpose

Chorus
Reborn anew
I’m not the same as I once was
Reborn anew
I was insane before tonight

Verse 2
Then I finally woke up
To see my body slowly dieing
To see vividly my world around me
This reality I found
Everything here I could touch
It wouldn’t turn to ash and crumble
I have found where I belong
There’s no more searching now

Chorus

Bridge
Don’t let your soul go to waste
Don’t lose yourself in your haste
Don’t let your soul go to waste
I want to see your face again

Chorus

Thanx - mnin
Last edited by mnin at Mar 21, 2008,
#2
i like the title. goes well with the song. im sure a lot of ppl could relate to it at some point. i know ive experienced it in some way in the past and in other ways still do. might be a tough topic to not be cliche and i think you did well there.. everything you put in was how you felt and was needed for you. the title uses imagery more strong than i found in the writing which for the most part seems fairly straight forward in comparison. but at the same time i think you might have used a good amount for something thats meant to be a song. the bridge seems to be a little deeper (last line anyways) but i couldnt find much of a clue to it other than making my own assumptions. i noticed theres no rhyming and not the tightest flow. i guess you plan on singing it in a way where the written flow wont matter.. what kind of music would you play for it?

overall.. seems to be good but cant completely judge it until you give us a link to the finished product (havent checked your profile yet, incase its already done and there).
#3
Well, I play in a modern rock band, and I don't really like rhyming in my songs. We have performed this song live, to the approval of many people, but don't have any good recordings yet.

The bridge I actually took out in the song, but I forgot to do it here, it doesn't really fit in with the rest of the song that much. -mnin
#4
I really like the lyrics. Especially the chorus, because it is, as the one before me said, so symbolic and fitting. The lyrics are very deep and easy to relate to. Finding yourself, and your own place in life is something a lot of people go through, and i think you've captured this perfectly. I would very much like to see the bridge.
My Build! The Razorbeast Could really use some help.

I am always right. and if I am always right, my first statement about always being right, by simple logic, must be true, thus proving that I am always right. dependency loops rule.
#5
Alright, I re-edited my first post, the bridge is in there now (again). The reason for taking out the bridge was that we (my band) had a hard time coming up with a bridge that sounded good with those words sung over top, the easiest solution to that was to just scrap that part. -mnin
Last edited by mnin at Mar 21, 2008,
#6
could you take a look at mine and do a little crit .. havent got any replies on my most recent one yet and its slipping away.

one here

and one here

theres two that ive done .. if you can, do a crit on whatever. if not, dont worry about it.
#7
Ok. Now that the bridge is here, I can say that i agree that it doesn't quite fit in with the song. It's not written in the same "mood" if you know what i mean. It's good in it's own way, but it seems like it's from another song. You could probalby base a whole new song on that bridge. That way it wouldn't go to waste.


If you could just leave a comment here, doesn't have to be a full crit, you would be quite awesome and cool and all that:

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=817286
My Build! The Razorbeast Could really use some help.

I am always right. and if I am always right, my first statement about always being right, by simple logic, must be true, thus proving that I am always right. dependency loops rule.
#9
Quote by huldumadurin
You could probalby base a whole new song on that bridge. That way it wouldn't go to waste.


Wow, that was a genius pun.