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#1
A few days ago, my school was hosting a dance sort of thing. I usually don't go to these things but because i don't have anything to do, i decided that doing something incredibly funny would make it worth it. After a day of pondering what i should do, I couldn't think of anything, so i decided to simply dress up. At first I was going to simply wear a dress or something equally lame, until I realized how lame it would be. So i concocted what might be the best costume in history. I would spike my hair up to resemble an afro, paint my whole face black and my lips red to resemble Mr.Bojangles, wear a headband(or sweatband w/e its called), and a fluro pink/green spandex body suit. Now to get a proper understanding of how stupid and how miserably i failed, I need to describe my body type.
Firstly, i have these huge eyes that with the addition of my puffy face make me look like im always 'dumbfounded.' I think thats the right word.
Secondly, I am pretty short about 5'6",I have short legs, and am pretty chubby.
Thirdly, and what makes me look like an idiot the most, is probably my huge hands, I measured them a while ago and they were almost 10 inches, and 5 inches wide, these are handy for guitar, but on the street kids run away from me because they think im a clown.

Heres where I started failing. after almost an hour of spiking my hair up the best I could do made me look like the last photograph of one of those meth addict time frame things.
The spandex suit i wore, actually belonged to my mother over 20 years ago, it was way too small for me, and i decided to make it even funnier by stuffing my pants with a cucumber.
However the face paint went fairly well. But all in all I looked like a complete dumbass, and i probably am.

So i got to the dance, and literally no one laughed. It was the biggest fail in history. After 10 minutes i realized dancing like a retarded kid wasn't funny either. By the end of the night I felt like my leg was broken and i had to limp away because some jock kneed me as hard as he could in the thigh which made me lie on the dance floor for approx 5min(felt like eternity) because i couldn't get up, I was close to tears at this point.

I tried to atleast make the night slightly better by getting one of my friends brother to get me and my friends alcohol. The next hour or so we spent watching some lame movie, and me listening to them discuss which girls they made out with etc. I wasn't very keen to discuss my night, and it felt like I had failed so hard that they were embarassed for me aswell.

Heres however, where it gets interesting. After about 2 hours of drinking i decided to go home. I had to walk because my parents do not approve me of drinking(underage.)
So i was walking home, limping home, I should say due to the alcohol and the 'broken leg'. When out of fu****ng nowhere, a police car pulls into the road im walking on, and breaks suddenly. Now by this time the face paint would have been smeared allover my face, and given my apperance the leader of the KKK would've rather beaten me than a black person(no racism). The police probably thought I was an alien or something because of my appearance, and my ever increasing speed and 'nervousness' walking. I was terrified at this point. Being underage, not being able to say the alphabet normally when sober, and having the sporting capabilities of stephen hawking, meant i would fail every test, physical, and mental the police asked me. The police did a U-turn to catch up to me and I started running. I mustve looked completely stupid at this point, dragging my short legs around, in my even smaller body suit, bobbing from once side to the other due to my 'broken' leg.
Needless to say the police caught me without much effort. However, I got incredibly lucky. I think they felt sorry for me because they didn't take 'me down to the station' instead simply me dropping off home, they both even tried not to look at me. Had i not been wearing the smeared face paint my face would've looked identical to a tomato, in color, and in shape. They didn't even walk me to the door, they just let me out of the car and drove of. Im pretty sure I heard them laughing.

The good news? My parents didnt find out i drink.
#5
gtfo.
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#6
Congratulations? What do you want, a gold star? Cops aren't the big monsters that teenagers make them out to be. I'm constantly in the city park after midnight (illegal) and smoking by the swings and jungle gym (also illegal). If a cop comes up to me, he always just says "Look, you've got to leave. It's my job to make sure no one's in the park, so could you go?" I've never been told to do anything by an officer. They always ask before they demand.

Granted, you can always get the bad apple of the bunch that thinks he's John McClain.
Sincerely, Chad.
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#7
Well that was quite a read....


Sounds like that was a night filled with so much fail, even the cops were sorry for you
You've read it, you can't un-read it!
#9
wow. just why? a true march 08er.

well done for not shooting yourself though
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#10
i read it and ill ive got 2 say it

Laugh my ****ING ass off

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#12
hahaha, far out. sorry i did lol though. sounds like it would have sucked
Its Complicated
this time i think it might be
Triangulated
#15
dude


most epic fail in history


wait let me rephrase that


god damn kid hurry up and get laid
#16
lol wut
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#18
Did you bitchslap the jock who kneed you?
It all makes sense
We're capable of beauty
Through sounds that make on cringe
The dogs only hear us now

#19
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Wow I'm not reading that

+1
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#20
i lol'd
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#21
Quote by Chad48309
Congratulations? What do you want, a gold star? Cops aren't the big monsters that teenagers make them out to be. I'm constantly in the city park after midnight (illegal) and smoking by the swings and jungle gym (also illegal). If a cop comes up to me, he always just says "Look, you've got to leave. It's my job to make sure no one's in the park, so could you go?" I've never been told to do anything by an officer. They always ask before they demand.

Granted, you can always get the bad apple of the bunch that thinks he's John McClain.


Do you know how awesome you are?

Really awesome. That's how awesome you are.
Member of the 7-String + ERG Legion.
#24
that is the worst fail i have ever heard of in the history of fail. But it was damn funny. I would have laughed if i was at that dance, it would have been epic funny.... But it is a bit rasict to black your face up nowadays just for the record......
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#28
TOO. MANY. METAPHORS!

Seriously, the excessive imagery made it nigh impossible to read/understand.
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#30
Quote by OldHairyOne
Do you know how awesome you are?

Really awesome. That's how awesome you are.

Apparently. All the awesome kids hang out in the park at night smoking cigarettes.

Or is it in the graveyard at night? I don't know what's cool these days.
Sincerely, Chad.
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LP doesnt have to stand for les paul.. it can stand for.... lesbian porn.
#31
LULZ

funny, in a ######### sorta way
and the police are never as bad as they are portrayed in movies/books/tv/blah
they gave you a ride home didnt they
Lolz
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#32
That story made me feel so sad, I feel like giving you a cuddle. That's not even a joke, it sounds like the worst thing ever.
There is poetry in despair.
#34
Quote by fridge_raider
That story made me feel so sad, I feel like giving you a cuddle. That's not even a joke, it sounds like the worst thing ever.

Man, if this makes you feel sad, The Bicycle Thief would tear you to pieces.

Edit: oh, and you should listen to Close To You or Merry Christmas, Darling by The Carpenters. Saddest . . . voice . . . ever. When I was little, I heard Merry Christmas, Darling on the Garfield Christmas special. Even before I knew how Karen Carpenter died, I just bawled when I heard her sing that song. She has such a depressing voice.
Sincerely, Chad.
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LP doesnt have to stand for les paul.. it can stand for.... lesbian porn.
Last edited by Chad48309 at Mar 21, 2008,
#37
Why didn't you take a picture?
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#38
I actually read that, and, oh boy. You failed bitch

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MUFC


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#39
Quote by filthandfury
This is how I imagine you to look





Exactly what I was thinking!

FAIL!

I find it funny you went to so much work and thought...and no one laughed.
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the muffin!
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