#1
Just me messing around, nothing serious... basic 4-line stanza, rhyme-less poetry.

I stumble out into the darkness,
touch something. It runs, panicky,
Through the unknown. Call to it;
Then question why I should care.

Am I to be alone forever, without
Sight? Blind to emotion, numb to
Feeling. Sometimes, I just want to
Give up on it all, I don't care any more.

Does it sound like I could care less?
Well sorry, 'coz I can't. Don't need
This empathy thing cluttering up my
Life, slowing up the flow.

Dammit, I just want to exist in
My own, quiet corner of reality.
Just leave me be, let me fall up
Into your arms forever.


Well, there you go. Nothing special imo, (constructive) criticism is more than welcome. I'll probably rewrite this when I've got a little more experience.
#2
thank you for your response on my art.
now to return the favor....

please do not consider this offensive, but i'm gonna make a leap to say this is probably one of your first works? if so, hell if it isn't who cares(i'm not gonna kelly ripa anybody's ****), but you "reach your destination way to quickly in this?" there's an astounding amount of room left in this for all kinds of similies, alliteration, metaphors, more descriptive imagery - why so bland? i can tell you definitely know where you want to go, so take it there. also put yourself in the audience, how does it affect the reader's perspective?

if you take this into account every time you open yourself, people will know. and if they can't see past that, tell 'em to get ****ed.
i hope you found this helpful.